Guidelines of Republicanism
If you're a………
Liberal – a subject to a fad that died with the Sixties. Also a commie; people don't know what communism is, but they hate it anyway.
Terrorist – you're an insolent bastard who's postponing American omnipotence by terrorizing America. The fact that America terrorizes other nations is irrelevant.
Nationalist – someone with enough sense to back anything "patriotic," including murder. See Ignoramus.
Black – you're either with the Republicans or with the NAACP……… and the NAACP is bad.
Impoverished Citizen – economic girly man. Also, it's you're problem, not ours.
Democrat – easy to attack because of more logical standpoints. Assholes.
Fox Network – the Republicans will keep screwing up, you keep distorting facts for them.
A pretzel – liberal conspirator.
KKK/Nazi member – not all that bad if they vote Republican (P.S., we're getting there!).
Ignoramus – potential voter.
War Protestor – insane hippies who'll ensure terrorism despite their mentality being founded on peace. Most likely a Liberal.
War veteran – travesty if not Republican.
Women's choice – men get to chose what women do – it's conservatism.
Materialistic person – keep up the good work of buying excessively. See Ignoramus.
Commie – you deserved to be hanged.
Republican – you're a demi-god, messenger of God, who is of the ultimate Right by being self-preserved, self-promoting, self-centered and American. Dastardly, yet divine in a bourgeois type of way.
Person named Michael Moore – you're a fat butthole.
An adolescent – BUY! BUY! BUY! See materialistic person.
Gay – you're not a person, you're an inferior thing.
Jock – see Adolescent, Materialistic person, and Ignoramus.
Green Party Member – your politics suck, but you'll get the Republicans into office when they take over your campaign.
Iraqi – you have a cruddy culture that supplies our oil. See Halliburton.
Rich people's posterity – worth more than the poor, and too valuable to go to war.
A radical – un-American. See Liberal.
A non-white member of the Republican cabinet – things just need to look politically correct.
Rich person – worth being richer, worth more in general, and worthy of more than the poor.
John Kerry – a bony butthole.
Halliburton – CHA-CHING!
Catholic – usually good and comparable to Republican methods; just as Republicans contradict themselves (you didn't see that), some Catholic priests like to have sex with little kids and say being gay is Wrong.
Anything else we hate – we hate you, but our hate is decreasing as our manipulation of indulgent American minds is increasing.
Anything else we love – elect George W. Bush.
Note: This is a just an exaggeration of everything taking on a Republican view, and that this Republican conception is incredibly biased. Just playing their game, though. Those buttholes deserve it.