Guidelines of Republicanism


George Bush – A great guy with a great cabinet! Is there any more to say? Oh yeah,


First Amendment – Crap from the Democratic donkey's ass.

Second amendment – the redemption of all of mankind.

Lockheed Martin (and other big time Defense Corporations) – an efficient and productive way in which money can be made for the American people and where the Defense Corporations (in most current events, used as apparatus to fuel preemptive defense, or offense) makes big cash at the expense of dead foreigners.

The CIA – Central Intelligence Agency, responsible for accurate information pertaining to American security and not incomplete or falsified reports concerning such information. If the objective of the CIA fails, all is allayed with a Freedom Medal. See Freedom Medal.

The Religious Right – don't get too close to the White House, but maintain consistent encouragement to the President, and continue to neglect this nation's Constitution.

Imperialism – definitely an aspect of the second term agenda. See Outsourcing, Capitalism, and Omnipotence.

Donald Rumsfeld (Secretary of Defense) – the man with the plan. THE MAN, WITH THE PLAN.

Foreigners – don't you dare do anything on our soil, or dubiously provoke us.

Capitalism – one man obtains luxury at the expense of another man's suffering and inferiority (economically). This is a good thing, for Americans are civilized and developed.

The ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union) – Events at Guantanamo Bay and Abu Ghraib were abuses, not tortures, so be fair (but mainly be politically correct).

Oil – how Washington goonies drool…

A War Supporter – vote Republican in 2008 and think of American progress in the War in Iraq while you're at it.

Media that isn't too Conservative – they're all too liberal.

Freedom Medal – an attempt to mask the incompetence of the army, the CIA, and the Defense Secretary. In other words, a piece of trivial shit.

The Founding Fathers – they were Christians.

Outsourcing – money in a company's pocket when seeking foreign labor and a bad economy in America.

Coastal Defenses (missiles to block a nuclear, sorry – nuc-u-lar – attack) – Funding will come after we climb out of the huge war deficit.

(Again) Anything else we Hate – well, you know, we have the momentum – assholes.

(Again) anything else we Love – we don't mean that literally, because we don't like being gay.

Omnipotence – just like Rome, just like Britain… It'll happen, you'll see…

Note: In this chapter, I decided to refrain from outlandish claims about the Republican Party (such as associating them with Nazis) as I did in the last portion of this essay. I do recognize that some of these views are still biased, but I believe they are all together more realistic.