This story is purly ficticious

This story is purly ficticious. Any resemblence to any people living or dead is pure coincidence!

Summary: Read, "What's in a name" first to get a feel for the characters. You don't have to read it but it helps, I think. This is about a witch who must find a secret ingredient to add to their cauldron. Enjoy!

And now the story commences:

Three witches looked into the cauldron, grinning evily.

"Gut of cat!" one said, holding out her hand.

Cat gut was placed in her hand. She tossed it into the pot.

"Wart of toad!" The ingredient was handed to her and she chucked it in.

"Gym sock!" She tossed the vile smelling object into the cauldron.

"Eye of knight!" Nothing popped into her hand. "An eye! We need and eye!"

The other witches shrugged.

"I thought you had the eye!" One said to another.

"I didn't have it! You said you had it!"

"Well I don't have it!"

"This is all your fault!"

The witch in charge held up her gnarled hand to silence them. "Now now ladies. It's alright. We'll just go out and get one!"

"Where?" The youngest one asked. "The Seven Eleven doesn't carry them."

"It's not that they don't carry them," The middle witch retorted, "it's just that they're on back order. I was supposed to take a raincheck.."

The other two witches glared at her stupidity.

"Okay, it was me! I forgot to get the eye! Sorry!"

"Just for that," the oldest one growled, "You can go get it."

"Yeah Helga!" The youngest one laughed, sticking out her tongue. "Go get it!"

Helga just picked up her skirts and kicked her younger sister in the knee, smiling at the little one's discomfort.

"I'll be back in a day or so!" Helga sang, leaving their duplex.

"Okay! I'll keep the pot warm!" The oldest one informed. The youngest one nursed her knee in silent hatred.


Helga hopped off the bus and arrived at the nearest kingdom, Kypta. Kypta was ruled by a lazy king who liked to eat a little too much. The queen was a depressed health maniac, who ran 6 miles everyday. All in all, it was a pretty normal kingdom.

Helga walked the streets, confused as anything. Where does one obtain an eye of a knight and not look conspicuous? It was a tough question indeed, and Helga could not answer it.

Well, as I always say, when in doubt, ask! So that's what Helga did. She asked a merchant where she might find such a rare and precious ingredient.

The merchant put a hand to his forehead to block out the midday sun and replied, "I'd try Lari's Bait Shop. The guy has everything!"

Helga didn't know what to say about that so she took his advice and headed over to the bait shop, which was just across the street.

The guy who ran the bait shop wasn't even Lari. It was some pimply kid that was barely competent enough to tie his own shoelaces. (Don't you hate it when this happens, folks?) Helga asked him if they had any eye of knight lieing around.

"Uhhh....I dunno. I can go see..." The greasy kid went out back to try to find the thing Helga was looking for.

Helga sat on a bench and waited, already tired from running around in the hot sun. Her stomach hurt. She suddenly realized she was hungry.

The door to the shop opened and closed and in walked a man. He was tall and wore heavy armor despite the heat and humidity. A knight, perhaps?

"Lari! I need to talk to you! Now!" The man said, slamming his fist on the counter. A cat squealed and ran off. A baby started crying.

The pimply kid ran out and asked the armored man what was the matter.

"I, Sir Rick Tanly! The knight of knights! Need some bait!" He looked over at the boy. "Did I mention I'm a knight? That's right, a big knight! Knight knight knight!!"

So he is a knight, Helga smiled. Contrary to popular belief, Helga was not an ugly witch. She looked like an ordinary girl. That's why she wasn't a good witch. She simply wasn't ugly enough.

"Lari isn't here. I'm Petie. Can I help you?" The greasy teen asked.

"The king needs bait for his royal fishing trip! And I, Sir Rick Tanly, need that bait! Those glowing sandworms! Now!!"

"We don't have those right now, sir.."

Helga picked herself up and walked over to the two men. Rick gave her the once over.

"What are you doing here?" Rick snorted, eyeing her up.

"Perhaps I can be of service?"

"How? Are you a glowing sandworm?" Rick asked with a straight face.

"No." Helga stated.

"You can pass for one! Cuz you're darn skinny!" He elbowed the couter kid in the ribs and laughed.

"It's hyperthyroidism!" Helga stated, scowling.

"Hyper what?"

"Never mind. I can catch those worms if you'd like." Helga said. She didn't know what a glowing sandworm looked like, however. All she wanted was to get in the castle and poke out this man's eye.

"If you can catch 'em, come with me!" Rick said, leaving. Helga followed.


Meanwhile, the two other witches, Larna (the oldest one) and Caren (The youngest one) were waiting impatiently.

"I hate Helga! She's so slow!!" Caren groaned, rubbing her knee. It had a nasty bruise.

Larna was pouring over recipe books, ignoring the smaller sister.

"Whatcha doin??" Caren asked, leaning over Larna's shoulder.

"Finding a substitute for knight's eye. Helga's taking far too long." She smiled in triumph and pointed at a picture. "There! I found it! Nine egg yolks!"

Caren clapped her hands with glee. "Hee hee! Helga will be so mad!"

"Shut up, child! Go get some eggs."

Caren ran off, giggling like the little eight-year-old she was.


Helga was now in the castle, sitting in a room, creating glowing sandworms (even though she didn't know what they looked like) out of mice and cockroaches. Being a witch has its advantages. She would do it tonight! She would sneak into the knight's headquarters and take her letter opener and stab him good!

Night was already falling. Larna and Caren would be mad that she was late but she couldn't help it.

Tucking her glowing sandworms into a paper bag, she trotted down the hall way...

...and collided with someone, sending her sprawling.

"OW!" The other person cried out. Helga got up and helped the other person to their feet.

"Zat hurt!" Helga recognized the accent of an elf. A female elf.

"I'm so sorry.."

"Zat's okay. I'm fine." The elven maiden dusted herself off and looked at Helga. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Vhat are you doing here? You don't look like Royal Personell.."

Helga shook her head. "I caught some sand worms and I have to give them to Sir Tanly.."


"No...Sir Tanly. Rick."

The elf shuddered. "Rick Tanly? I hate zat guy! I hope somebody stabs him in the eye!"

"That's what I'm here to do!" Helga said.

The elf smiled. "Then let me help you. My name is Lillian. Pleased to meet you..ehhh.."


"Helga. Right. Vell, I suggest ve go stab ze poor sucker."

Helga was grateful for the help. "Thanks! I need his eye to make brownies!"

"Brownies?" Lillian asked, walking down the hall with her.

"Yeah. It's an old family recipe.."


Rick was busy admiring himself in the mirror.

"Rick, you sly dog!" He praised himself. "Lillian is one hot chick. She'll be sure to dig you!"

He smoothed out his eyebrows and smiled into the mirror. Just then, there was a knock at the door.

"Must be room service." He muttered to himself. "Come on in!!"

Two women entered the room.

"Hey, it's the sand worm girl! And Lillian. Lillian, what are you doing here?"

"My dragon employer sent me on an errand." Lillian explained.

Helga tossed the bag of sandworms on Ricks lap. Rick screamed.

"Oh nasty! Sandworms!! Gross ewww!"

Lillain rolled her eyes and took Helga's letter opener.

"Would you like a love letter?" Lillian whispered, raising the opener above her head.

"From you, yes. In the form of violence, no!" Rick whimpered. "Guards!!"

Suddenly Lillian and Helga were surrounded by about 15 guards. Lillian tossed down the letter opener muttering, "Awww, nuts!"

They were both thrown into prison, and were placed before the king the next morning.

King Erik was chewing on a drumstick and looking at the two girls suspiciously.

"You tried to kill Sir Tanly?" was all he asked, taking a sip of his beer and belching loudly.



"Well, which one is it? No or yes?" Erik grumbled, grabbing a burrito and smiling at it. "mmmm...burrito.."

"All we wanted was his eye to make brownies!!" Helga protested, close to tears. It wasn't supposed to be this way. And it was torture seeing this man eat when she hadn't eaten for about 32 hours!

The king choked. "Did you say...brownies?"

"Yes, Your Highnessness..." Helga whispered.

"I'll make you a deal. I find you a knight eye, and you give me some of those brownies. Okay?"

Helga brightened. "Sure!"

"But," Erik said, holding up his food slicked hand, "there's a catch. You may not enter this kingdom again....unless you bring something for me to eat. Understand ladies?"

Both girls nodded.

"Great! Now get out of my sight. Leave this kingdom!"

"But what about the knight's eye?" Helga asked as she found herself being led to the door by two big guards.

"I said, I'd get you one. I didn't mean TODAY!" Erik said, rolling his fat eyes. Yep, that's right. The king was so fat he even had fat eyes. Gross huh?


Lillian and Helga decided to go their own ways at the castle gates.

"I am sorry ve could not stab zat loser in the eye. Maybe next time, hmmm?" Lillian sympathized.

"Yeah. Maybe." Helga said, sad.

"Don't vorry. You'll make your cupcakes and you'll make your family proud."

"That's brownies!" Helga called to the elf's retreating form.



Well, to make a long story short, when Helga found out her precious knight eye was substituted with nine egg yolks, let's say she was none too happy about it! How would you feel if you went on a daring adventure (well, maybe this adventure wasn't that daring but you get my drift) only to find out that the thing you were searching for was replaced by eggs! I know I would be really pissed!

Helga left her sisters and decided to open up her own bakery outside of the Kingdom of Backward. To this day King Suzan will recommend Helga's banana bread to anyone! She's made quite a name for herself.

As for Lillian, she still works at Jex the Blue Dragon's cave and still recieves anonymous love notes that are suspiciously in Rick's hand writing.

Rick still hates sandworms, and didn't bother to go on that fishing trip.

So all in all, everyone ended out fine. Even the youngest witch Caren. Her knee is recovering rapidly and she can put her full weight on it.

And now my tale comes to a close. I hope you at least tolerated this piece of writing that I have constructed.

And that's the end! Feel free to reveiw! Constructive critisim is always appreciated!