didn't you hear? she OD'ed in
the nightclub; they said it was an accident,
just a little bit of grass,
and she started foaming at the mouth
before toppling to the ground,
like she had rabies or something.
now, isn't that totally disgusting?
and she was kind of pretty, too,
though she had legs like a cow's, of course,
it's kind of silly she had to go and die now.
she hadn't even had her first kiss yet, for god's sake,
or lost her virginity.
she was always SO innocent. do you
remember that time
when we examined the body,
we discovered exactly 6.5 milligrams
of marijuana compounds in her small intestine.
it appears to have been rejected by the body,
and she suffered a violent reaction.
the owner of the bar has denied all charges and
we have dismissed this case as
an accident, man! that's what i told you since
the beginning. i don't allow nobody below eighteen
to come into my clubs, you know that!
i have honour, you know,
and I don't want any girls dropping dead
all over my carpet. i bet you she
carried some kind of fake i.d, you know those
that teenagers carry around these days.
yeah, they've all become juvenile delinquents. i tell
you, officer, you'll have a handful with these
kids nowadays have no sense of responsibility. she was
only sixteen, below the age limit. and taking drugs, too.
what kids do. i really can't believe what this country is coming to.
sure, the economy is prospering in this new age,
but what's becoming of our next generation of future leaders? all these
teens, they're so full of angst, they're probably all deluded,
telling themselves they have problems.
pah! compared to us, what have they gone through? and they
keep telling us we aren't
understanding me can't have been that hard, can it? a
few days and i'll just be another teen who died
because of mental instability or whatever, one of those
teenage angst-ers in love with the concept of suicide.
they'll say i deserved it, i was a bad girl.
there'll be no mention of how i always got straight As
for biology; they'll probably credit it to
some cute guy in class or something.
they'll say i smoked, drank, and held wild parties at
my house every other Friday. i'll become just the sort of
girl you expect to kill herself getting high on drugs.
not the chair of the speech club who just went
to a bar to celebrate her debate team's win.
no, i was brought there in a Mercedes-Benz
by some guy who picked me up, an unknown
man, she was so gorgeous, i just wanted to knock her out,
and take her home, but no, she collapsed and
had some kind of seizure. i'm sure not doing that
aga - hey! here comes another hot babe! she's
even better than that, whatshername, oh, that
girl, sixteen, dies of drug overdose in nightclub.
-kismet. 12th december 2004.
author's note: i agree, the newspapers' job is to summarize.