Death Sentence

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I lie so easily

Compulsively, a fat spider

I weave my fairytales

I have friends I have dreams

Painted on the inside of my skull

Between grey brain tissue and bone

There is a whole life I indulge in

-

I wish I could drag up some semblance of truth

As I sit, alone, my wholesome little face

Drinks the grey landscape

Dry rocks, wet rocks, slate sky, silent mirror sea

On my doorstep, a dead bird

Frozen solid, mauled, its white feathers spattered

Four drops of blood between the food bowls

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I may as well be just as dead

As I sum up perfect existentialist imagery

Not one original thought

In my rosy cheeked mind

-

At night, I try to cry

The bed covers rumpled

I gave up long ago my futile search

There is no hymen between my wiry hairs and plum

There is no pleasure either

-

Enough! I'm just indulging myself

These petty words, my petty ideas

I may as well get over it

Or say it aloud at least

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"I was raped and now I'm fucked up and I don't know what to do"

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Well done! Except I do know what to do

It's cut and cut and cut

And lie, still and silent and frozen

Dead, and deaf, never speaking a word

Surviving and knowing exactly how to cope

Sibilant silver slices on ice white arms

And daydreams, fantasies

Warm arms, laughter, love, perhaps-

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Yes. I'm dead.