"The Solution Part II"

I'll leave this world just the way I entered it...
Bleeding like fuck, with great indifference.
Finally, I will discover the truth,
And no matter what...nothing will matter.
You can imagine what I've tried to do.
Here's the solution I swear works.
Surely you'll accept it,
But join me if not.

Can you imagine what I've picked apart?
It goes back so far...
Don't you remember?
"I'll play the villain," said the crazy one.
Yes I was the villain,
The fucking villain.
You convulsed in disgust.
My most favorite flashback...
You said I was ugly on the inside,
And it meant so much more.
And felt so fucking good.

It's okay.
I gave myself what I deserved.
Do you hear this?
I've done it all.
Rarely, yes, and with total control.
No addiction at all.
Scissors and knives...
But you still made it worse.
Then I saw that fucking marker...
And I used it in a most vile form of art.
I never speak of it, so I never told you.
But you never beat that one.

You changed way too much,
Or maybe they changed.
I doubt it was me.
I never react well...
And I fucked up whatever made me displeased.
There you were.
In a crowd of people---
I knew it was all your fault.
How, I don't fucking know,
But I can't seem to tear my mind away from this.
I tried to be good.
I had to be evil.
I had to be "me."

With each added imperfection,
I proved myself right.
Becoming less and less human,
It was disgusting,
It was fine.
I always knew what I wasn't.
Days were spent on my plotting.
I'm being serious.
You should know this.
I wanted revenge, didn't I?
I wouldn't sleep, I wouldn't focus,
But I would get it.
Or no, I didn't.
I failed it.
I failed every-fucking-thing.
I laughed that I would dance in Hell.
But what the fuck does "Hell" mean?

I was always so loathsome, an enmity.
Always a creature of repulsion.
Not lurking in the glorious shadows,
Just lurking in the wrong place.
Well, I'm doing this right...
This is the first good choice,
And the last choice I'll make.
I'm not going to be different.
I spent years doing that,
And no, it was not pleasant.
So now I'm fixing it all.
Erasing the filth, the human stain.
The mistake that never should've began.
And as red soaks this paper...
My legacy
Is coming to an end.