To my darling friends, those I trust with my lifeā€¦

This is the most painful thing I've ever written in my life, but I've realised that I cannot return to where I once was without help. I've tried to stop, but it's so difficult without motivation, the constant reassurance that I require. Although it is hardly fair that I dump this all on you and leave you no refuge, this is what I ask. I beg that you will not go to a teacher or counsellor regarding issues in my life. I know what it is like to be alone with the burden of another's problems, it is something I would never wish upon another's soul, yet it is the torment I unwillingly inflict upon the hearts of those closest to me. You, the people I have written this for, mean the world, the universe, the moon and stars to me, and as difficult for you to comprehend what is going on, I pray that you will remain with me for this rough period of time. I understand it is incredibly selfish to dump this on you like I have, but continuing to live like this would only mean death for me. I know this turn of events may have been unexpected, an unlikely twist on a tale, and some may find it hard to believe, but I would never lie to you about something of this calibre. Only two people have ever seen this side of me, one hasn't spoken to me since, the other has been a source of advice to me for so long, I wish to take away some of the pain I have made her endure. I don't know why I do this; if I did I wouldn't continue to do it. The reason became lost, devoured by the blade and covered in my blood, along with my sanity. This is how I dealt with all the expectations of me that I couldn't live up to, the disappointment on your faces. I'm sorry that I can't be perfect. I'm sorry that I need you save me from myself. I'm sorry I'm so weak that I hide from your questioning glances. I'm trying to be strong by letting you in, but even now I'm collapsing under the paranoia, crushed by the thought that my parents might find out. To hurt those who have loved me would kill me. Please don't blame yourselves. This is my fault. I'm the guilty party here. Thank you for caring enough to read this letter and giving me at chance at surviving the darkness. It isn't something you can just switch on and off. It's an addiction, and a deadly one at that.