Have you trusted someone with all your heart? Have you ever told someone everything you are and hope to be? Did that person ever stab you in the back? Say something incredibly mean? Has that ever happened to you? It happened to me.
It was a regular day. I went to school and saw her. One of my close friends and everything was fine. But then later that night something weird happened. Something I never expected. Something that changed my trust.
MSN Messenger. A helpful creation that I use to talk to people online. I was talking to her and it was fine until a sudden lashing of words. She told me I was a loser and she was going to block me. She then logged off. She logged back on and told me to say my name on this game we were on. I said, "I thought I was a loser. You want to associate with a loser?" She replies with "Yup!" I thought it was all ok but then I said something.
I told her I was sick of the bratty-friend routine. If I didn't do what she wanted, she threatened she wouldn't talk to me or block me. She then told me I should be worrying about me not her, that I was selfish. That I shouldn't always want her to do things for me. Tears flew straight to my eyes. A trusted companion talking to me like that. My heart broke instantly.
I acted as if I didn't care but I did. She asked if she could continue and I said ok. Though I knew that her words would only become harsher. A poem was what she typed next. In it, she said that people always depend on her and she knew right away that I was special. She seemed as if she cared. Though in my broken, icy heart, I knew she was lying straight to my face. She then logged off and I pondered a minute at my thoughts. Am I selfish? Am I really that bad? Does everyone feel this way?
She had been my go-to girl for help with my crush. She was there. The minute I met her I knew we would click. But she had hoodwinked me into believing her word was true. Now I wondered if she really cared. Did she really like me? Was it all a plan? A sinister plan to kill all dreams of friendship? This was the second time she had killed me. Is she worth it?
Was it worth it to allow tears to come? Was it worth it to allow this girl the privilege of hurting my spirit? Was this friendship worth me dying every time? Should I forget her lies and stay friends? Or turn my back? My face was already beginning to turn my cheek to her.
I thought of all my good friends that had never done me wrong. My best girl, who put up with all my crazy antics. All the others that love and support me. Is it worth forgetting the good for her? She always yeilds the hose that can ice over my heart. Is it worth letting my heart ice over?
No. How could I let myself become cold? How would I? I love people and could never leave them. And I shouldn't let one person ruin my life. The life that has just begun. And I shouldn't have let her back after the first time my heart was broken by she.
A few minutes I had been called nice by another close friend. That I always made her smile. I thought of her. I should listen to her, not the one who hurt me. That is the kind of friend I want. The kind of friend that is nice to me. The ones that love and cherish me the way I am. Not the kind that say little things to puncture my soul. I decided not to let her back into my circle. We could share friends, but she is no longer one of mine. I believe in second chances, but not third.
One person is not worth this pain she put me through. I am a beautiful, independent, giving child and I will not allow one to break me. It's just not worth it.