My head feels so heavy

with all these thoughts

and doubts

my wish, my dream

so close now-

so tangible-

so possible-

has never been more unlikely

all these fears

arise

from the dead

from the dark

and play with my heart

my mind

for so long, I've wished for this chance

to get out

to get somewhere

but why

does it seem so selfish

to me now

I feel like I don't

deserve

this ever,

or at all

and this hell I live

is all I have

all I need

all I deserve

all I'm worth

cause now this pain has come from below

to show its ugly face

and reign my emotions and mind

that ticket out

is counterfeit-

fake-

a false hope,

for the weak, and the weary

and this hell is eternal

no ticket will save

and no vehicle from this sinful place

can take my heart or my mind

a the invisible tied are going stronger now,

and soon,

visible to the eye

soon the hunter of the deep

will no longer play with its food

and devour me whole

into the abyss

I call home