If you ever find that you'd like to sincerely annoy someone please follow these tips:
1. Start by singing. Not just normal singing, mind you. I mean really sing. Sing with all your might. Sing until a Dalmatian in Alaska starts to call "Shut up, you idiot, I can't concentrate on this bone". Try hitting all sorts of notes. Even ones that don't exist. Because that just makes you all the more pleasurable to be around. In fact, I recommend trying to sing 99 Bottles ofBeer on a Wallin a key that hasn't been invented yet. Right now. I want you to try this. You will know that you are being genuinely annoying when your mother comes along, picks you up and feeds you to that Dalmatian in Alaska. You may then move onto the next tip.
2. Another truly spectacular way to annoy those around you is to talk while chewing. Throw some food in there (the leftover tuna casserole from three weeks ago will do) and have the dandiest time just delving into that culinary delight while tellingsomeone the reason why your mother still hasn't gotten rid of this revolting fungus dish. If you can not find any old casseroles, your father's dirty socks will do. You may move on to number 3.
3. If you are not in the pit of a llama's stomach by now please read on. If you are in the pit of a llama's stomach please read on, but only if you have a flashlight because I don't want you hurting your eyes. My third pointer is to pretend you're a lion. People might think it's cute at first but when you've continued to roar quite loudly for well over thirty seconds the people just might start to wonder why they never did move to Mars. To make your lion imitation especially irritating I'd try eating a few of the plastic antelope decorations or maybe take someone's clean bed sheets and cut them up to make a gorgeous mane.
If you have followed these tips and are still not punished to the ends of the earth, I'd consider checking the person you're annoying to see if they're alive. There's a large chance that you were annoying a dead person and if this is the case, no wonder they haven't hurt you. Also, you're not too bright.