Teh Convergence of Life and The Internet


I was walking along the main road of my American town, on a moderately sunny day. The birds were singing in the trees, until they got shot down by rednecks at least. Butterflies glided from flower to flower, sampling each as they went, until they were shot down by rednecks, anyway. Outside the quiet cottages, young children played in the sprinklers, until -

My concentration was interrupted at the perfect time, leaving both a semi-humorous segway untouched, and to prevent people for sledging me for the killing of little children... again. It'll come up again anyway.

The breaker of my tration of the conc persuasion was in fact a small girl of possibly 12 or 13, wearing a t-shirt with a giant X on it. It had only been three months until the internet had unexplainably turned liquid and flooded through the towns of the earth, populating them with demi-beasts of sub-normal intelligence and an above average capacity to annoy. She spoke:

"lol hi"

It was intriguing the way she managed to speak without using proper grammar or capitals, but somehow the thought was instilled into my brain. I decided not to reply, and poked the giant X. She closed.

Almost immediately, a new version of the girl reappeared, flashing orange briefly until i paid attention to her.

"u ther?"

I had to reply.

"Yeah."

I noted my proper grammar, spelling and capitalization. Proudly.

"lol k. asl?"

"I am from the town from whence we are currently talking, my age is of no relevance and i consider myself to be male."

"wot?"

"Hmm. Allow me to assess the situation."

"wot??1"

"I'll take that as a yes. What seems to be happening here is I am trying to walk down the street, going about my own private business, whilst you seem to be being controlled by some tiny little girl on a computer somewhere in America. I suggest you desist with your badgery, lest I smite you with a hefty lead pole."

"u r lyk dood teh suxxor"

"Yes, I suppose I am."

And with that, I set upon the remotely controlled demi-beast with much force. Eventually, the unit was too damaged to operate, and the controller was forced to find a different unit, somewhere else, one must assume. All i know is that the horrible scene that i left behind would be featured in the paper the very next day.


REMOTE CHAT UNIT FOUND BEATEN: Police yet to care


The End!