My Way Out!
I smiled, she smiled back. She looked so beautiful in the moonlight. Her emerald green eyes twinkled brighter then the brightest star, and her brown hair went slekly over skin seeming as if it were floating just above her skin. She looked twords me and smiled again. I could never get tierd seeing that shy impish grin spread across her face. You could barley see her blush in the dark but the moon seemed to brighten everything up when ever she made a move. We were eating on the beach, I had called her so late just to see if she wanted to go out with me. I've liked Amanda since we were five, we both were now seventeen. I very badly wanted her to go to prom with me, but I was to chicken to ask her out. Tonight was the night I was going to tell her how I felt, I would finally say it, 'Amanda...I love you.' I could'nt wait to see the look on her face or feel her warm embrace. I nearly drolled thinking about her bare arms hugging me. Tonight was so romantic or at least so far.
When I had called her I knew she would say yes to coming because she and I use to do it all the time in the years that passed. This was 'our spot', sitting close to the rocks so that the moon shined on us. We would come here to talk just like bestfriends did; when ever she had a problem and needed to talk I was there and we would always come here. I looked off to the waves. Amanda got up and began to roll up her pajama pants legs. She then walked and stood in the ankle high water; a look of calmness washing over her beautiful face; the moonlight shinning on her making her seem almost angelic. I sat half expecting half wishing a pair of wings would sprout out of her back and she would show me her grandest beauty. She then looked over her shoulder.
"Chris...do you know why I do this?" she asked nearly whispering.
"Because it feels good?" I chuckeld.
She then looked twords the ocean and opend her hands out wide and began to scream. I looked at her shocked.
"Are you bloddy mad?" I asked in a rugged voice.
"I do it..." she said ignoring my question. "I do it because it's my way out."
I looked at her confused "W-what do you mean?"
She looked at me quickly then faced the ocean again. "Isint it beautiful?"
"The ocean, it's so big and vast, it's as if god put it here to remind us of how small...how little we are. The ocean is big, powerful, respected and beautiful; something everyone in the world wants to be."
A gust of wind and her long silky hair blew. She faced me once more and I gasped at the sight I saw. There befor me was a goddess. Her hair blowing over her face as she looked down. She looked like a goddess as a single tear crept down her cheek and immedietly a memory came into my head of a night just like this.
Amanda had called me crying. It was ten o'clock and I had just got finished with my homework. I was just about ready to go off to bed when the phone rang. I picked it up with a sigh and there was her voice weeping into the phone
"Meet me at our spot." was all she said, then she hung up.
I raced to the spot and there she stood. Her pajama pants rolled up and her arms spread out wide. She screamed once then twice. I stood dumbfounded. She hand'nt noticed me standing there so she she broke out into tears again. I had never seen her in our entire life look so devistated so I ran to her like a knight just about ready to face a dragon to save his fair maiden. I wrapped her in my arms and her body went limp. I carried her to our spot by the rocks and held her as she cried into my shoulder. I did not care that my shoes, socks and pants were wet as long as I had her in my arms. It turned out that her boyfriend Josh, who was two years older then us and in the tenth grade had just broken up with her and then killed his self. I began to feel terrible that all I could do was hold her close and tight. I wished I could pull all her pain into me; but I could'nt and never would be able to.
"It's beautiful isint it?"
I looked down at her startled. I had'nt even noticed that she had stoped crying.
"What is?" I finally asked.
"The ocean." she said simply.
"It's my way out."
I payed no attention to her last rmark. I pulled her closer and nearly broke into tears. 'Was this...was this all I was good for? Long friendly talks and someone to shop with? Was all I ever gonna be to her was just a friend who loved her and only wished it could be from afar. Was I ever going to be able to hug her like this but as more then just a good friend? No... All I was good for to her was just a friend.'
The memory slowly faded away and I mumbled to myself "No Chris you'll be more then that...After tonight you'll be more then that." I looked twords the sand.
"It's my way out." Amanda said in a hush tone. Even though you could barley hear what she said her sweet medellic voice still broke me out of my trance, I looked up at her and she turned around. Her emerald eyes met my brown ones.
"Some people choose cutting or self harm," a look of pain washed over her face as I whisperd her old boyfriends name. "Some choose reading and wrighting or sports. They choose those things because they feel sad and lonly almost insecure with life. They feel as if they have no control over anything but those things. Like the cutter controls how deep or how long a cut will be, readers and wrighters control in their minds with their imagination how the stories come out and sports people; well they choose how the outcome of a game will be."
"So why do you choose this?" I asked dreading what she would say.
"Because...as I said the ocean is big, vast, powerful and beautiful and I'm just me. When I'm here I know I'm not in control, the current and the wind is. The wind blows and the current follows; they work together to make what could be the most beautiful or most dangerous thing on earth. Well that's the sea. And when I am in it I feel as if I am one with the ocean and for that moment, that split second I am pure. I let the ocean wash all my fears and sins away."
She walked out of the water and over twords me. She then sat next to me and held me. "Now what was it that you wanted to talk about?"
I looked at her sadly then I looked back at the ocean. What she said was right but I relized something...Amanda was my ocean. She was beautiful and she could be big and powerful when she needed to be. Alothough her beauty was natural just like the oceans she often needed help to become powerful. After that I looked back down and saw the small insecure little girl I used to see when we were five, six and seven. I sighed and she looked up at me and smiled that insecure smile she rarly let me see. I kissed her on her forehead and told her there was nothing I wanted to talk about. She looked up at me doubtfully and said I was a great friend. I winced at that word but still cradeld Amanda in my arms. I relized that the reason that no wings had sprouted from her back earlier was because she was no longer an angel but a fallen. As the years went on with me knowing her, her wings had grown old, worn out and tatterd. She was my way out.
After a while she was asleep and after a few more minuets and shivers later I decided to wrap 'us' in a blanket. As I was about to sleep I heard her say something under her breath. She said it again so I strained my ears to hear it.
"You are my way out Chris... I love you."
I tilted my neck to see if she was awake and just saying that. She wasn't. I smiled then kissed her lips and softly whisperd into her ear. "Your my ocean, my way out...I love you too! I loved you forever and I'll love you always."
A smile played on her lips and mine and in my head I though 'Well I guess we could stay friends just a little while longer.' and I drifted off to sleep dreaming of us and years to come. Friends forever and never stop coming to this spot and never letting the tradition of out sacred spot die.
She is my ocean and my way out and I am hers!