Dedicated to my beloved grandfather, who passed away on the 12th of December at two a.m. in the morning.

If life will turn into mere smoke and ashes as he believed strongly so, please let those ashes drift to places where he can nest his heart…….

The Slow Death Dance

I missed prom that night

Left with the fading light

To watch another dance

Far away, as I flew, in a trance

I told myself not to think

You were everything I remembered,

Yet nothing I could recall

Had you ever looked like that in my life?

So this is the ending

Bones and skin, mummified body

Swollen hands with too much moisture

Weak and growing weaker, by the minute

The machines pumping, your lungs are moving,

Not on their own.

So strong, you waited

Till I bend over you to smile

I made you smile twice, I counted

It was too precious

Even then you had gifts waiting, as usual

You touched my fingers,

That familiar feeling as you touched my fingers

You were saying;

These are still the hands of a child

I heard it though you were mute

You tried to speak

You did, though I leaned to hear

I could hear your breathe rasping in and out

And see your cracked lips bleeding

And sense your limbs weighing you down

Your body has given up on you

Almost

I sat down on the chair beside you

Not glancing at the Death God standing politely by

It did not matter to him nor to me

About who gets the seat

He waited for my grandfather

Just as my grandfather had waited for me.

The hospital smell was not yours

Yet silly me wanted it to last

I could breath in that smell all day

Or for the rest of my life

If you would just stay.

So day by day you danced the death dance

It was slow, but sure as a blade

You will never climb up

I knew it well

It was a twirling dance of descend

Into what I hoped was happy dreams

I read the machine each day

I stared at the graphs, looked at the numbers

It was hard to believe I was watching your heart failing

It was hard to believe you chose to leave

When I was trying to sleep at night

I admit I was angry with you

Though I know its unfair

I'm not that weak you know

You could have passed away in front of me

So I could truly see you go

I love you so much.

You were my home, not that house

Yours was the nest that I grew up in

The nest I flew back to

And the nest I was supposed to have forever

And then there is no forever

And you were gone

I comfort myself endlessly

I tell myself you drifted peacefully

That you were in dreams

That you are in Heaven

Yes, you would laugh

And once more say that Death just turns everyone into dust

But I hope for something

Something as beautiful as you were

To raise from that ash, Oh Grandfather

Don't be so cruel as to disappear from me

Appear in a dream, a flower, a gust of wind

But don't disappear as you had believed

Everyone thinks I'm over you

That's because I'm a clever trickster

See, I can smile and joke and look at the Sun in the eyes

Just so I could be a bit blind

The other people share blood bonds with me too

But its my grandfather who was truly mine to love

And without him, all other relatives

They have become familiar strangers

The hard sorry truth

As I could not bear to share my grief with them

So did they; a too-close talk was avoided

The funeral was quick

Uncles said gruffly that it was time to go on

I walked on for my own life

A dance of life

And when the music reaches the finale

And the stage lights are dimmed

Then the dance of death awaits me

And maybe only then will I know

If , ( silly though it sounds)

Grandfathers can be reborn from ashes

After a slow Death Dance