That's What I Like!!!

I'm so confused, about what to do.
He thinks I love him, and maybe I do.
I'm so mixed up everything's in a whirl.
I just can't deal, I feel I'm gonna die.
He believes everything's black and white.
He doesn't see the grey area, that's me.
I don't take pity I don't even take love.
But yet I'm so fucked up.
My world is falling apart bit by bit.
New and the old shit combining together.
It's not my fault I can't deal.
Maybe I just can't, maybe I'm not supposed to.
My life is complicated, no one knows how much.
But I'm pissed that everyone believes I'm this happy girl.
Always laughing, joking and smiling.
Live my life for a day, and you'll see.
The hurt, the pain, the lies, the scars, all my own doing of coarse.
I believe I was only happy when I had my metallic friend, to help me.
That always lulled the pain, especially when it was deep.
But my pain is too much and this time I don't think it will cease.
But can he help to the degree of need; will he want to help me?
Can I trust anyone to help me?
Do I really need it, I guess I do, but will never take it.
Coz this pain and suffering is soo much better.
Now I see I love my life as I feel like shit and cry every night,

That's What I like!!!