There is a lot of bickering between liberals and conservatives on Fiction Press these days. Subjects such as gay marriage, gay rights, and gay stuff like that seem to crop up to an almost alarming rate. Well, luckily for you, I'm here to present a solution so radical, yet so down-to-earth, you may accuse me of being so far to the left that I come out on the right side. Or just really far to the left, depending on the fact if you consider political affiliation to be sphere-shaped.

I'd like to offer a few pointers on several political debate items before I get into my solution to the more radical dissenters. Here they are:

Gay Marriage: Ignore it.

Abortion: Ignore it.

Iraqi War: Whoops.

I'd like to propose my idea through hypothetical situation, which is all the rage these days in Paris, or so my friendly mailman tells me. Here is the situation:

Take conservative121 (ID: 454015), a righteous dude with little grammar/spelling education who hates gay marriage, or "the liberal agenda" as he likes to call it. Suppose ol' Conservy is typing away, writing up his next treatise as to why all homosexuals should be rounded up and shot. Yet, before he can upload his next work of art on to the website, he hears the sounds of approaching footsteps. Before he can react, a butcher knife flies straight and true, finding its final resting place deep within several of conservative121's fingers.

Next, take Cthulhu (ID: 362236), a British socialist Satanist (Tongue-twister, anyone?). When he isn't off campaigning for Satan-rights, you can probably find him campaigning for gay rights. Let us say our buddy Cthulhu is sitting at his desk, pounding another ravenous review in response to a conservative's (Maybe conservative121!) essay. Suddenly, without warning, the familiar sound of a katana cutting through the air like a katana through air fills the room, and soon Cthulhu finds himself suddenly unable to write some memorable quip like, "You suck".

The amputation of fingers – the only effective way to bring peace and stability back to our humble little writing community. Now, you may be wondering who would carry out these silencing acts. Simple: the homeless. Everyone knows the homeless would rather amputate the fingers of liberals and conservatives as opposed to sleeping on the streets or being human guinea pigs.

That is it, my friends. But let me say this: I do not hate liberals and conservatives. Heck, I live with them every day of my life. But was it not George W. Bush who proposed that the media be limited? He may have been drunk at the time, but like the old saying goes: the President is always right.

Non-denominational deity/deities/figurehead bless America!