The Adventures of Yuri in the Land of Earth Part 1 The Beginning of the End

Chapter 1 The Beginning

I was sitting at my kitchen table in my quiet little cottage on the outside of the city HarthKolor while eating my English muffin and all was quite well. I live on the southern edge of the small but diverse country of Gilgalamush which is a relatively small country compared to our friendly northern neighbor the Borkardicians. To the south of my house lies firstly the Misiyuritz River which I take a short jog by every morning and more southerly than that is the Surgilaki forests populated by a variety of animals which directly butts up to the Southern Sea which the rest of the world calls the Sea of Gedwin's Demise for the obvious reason that that is the sea in which Gedwin met his demise by getting devoured by a tribe of angry dolphins right after he taunted them for having very small ears. Anyway more geography later. I'll get back to my English muffin. (Now for the best effect we will now transfer to 1st person omniscient.) Queue fun mysterious changing of persons view point music. Attention reader this would be a good time to set your bookmark in and return to your normal life for a while if this is a published book.

Then the robotic ghost pirate ninjas attacked. Mr. Francisco Hernandez Consuelo Cervantes Miguel Don Figaro (for fun's sake we will call him Yuri) was shocked and amazed(shocked and amazed music.) And as the robotic ghost pirate ninjas attacked Yuri was left with nothing to do but fend them off with the fork and knife in his hand. Magically through some higher power (or maybe a really cool coincidence) the fork became magically enhanced with Tongs of Power(trumpets) and the knife was endowed with adamantium lining as well as the gift song and the song of choice for this epic battle was "The Fairest Youth" from Zaffarelli's Romeo and Juliet. Sparks flew as the magic utensils clashed with the purple laser swords of the robotic ghost pirate ninjas who were clad in purple and pink togas. The fork blazed with the intensity of red hot hatred and white hot purity at once and stabbed the robotic ghost pirate ninjas so that their translucent stealthy swarthy gears would never be oiled again. Yuri not knowing what took hold of him and not in control enough to even think this thought became an instinctive animal and killed with the rage of nature's wonder against machines efficiency.

They were destroyed, all the robotic ghost pirate ninjas were destroyed. Yuri prepared a pyre for them and then lit a match and lit the pyre. Yuri not knowing that the robotic ghost pirate ninjas still had oil in them was very lucky that the Tines of Power were kind enough to shield his body from the massive explosion which the robotic ghost pirate ninja officer who was an orc took to be the destruction of the house because he was so far away and only saw the smoke rising from his own soldiers. This very stupid orc decided that he didn't like robotic ghost pirate ninjas very much and that they would only be used in special assignments not dealing with himself. They were having all the fun. Him and his army of orcs would move from their westward position down into the Surgilaki forests to wait for reinforcements and to contemplate the campaign to come.

Yuri however lay unconscious on his front lawn exhausted from shock. He woke sometime later to find his fork just a regular fork, his English muffin eaten and his knife singing Beatles tunes to a levitating garden gnome whose legs were welded together but arms could move because obviously his arms were moving to and fro while he was dancing to Larry the singing knife's music. Wait that was his garden gnome. Falling unconscious again wit would be a while until he came to.