Forget Me Not
Raziel stood on the threshold of her school. She was a junior now, and this place seemed like a recurring nightmare to her. Andel High seemed ominous now, somehow it had not changed over the summer. Raziel had, she had changed quite alot. Her mind seemed twisted now. It was different than it had once been. Her mind wandered from her goals that had once been so clear and certain. She drifted away from the conscious world, and spent much of her time delved into her own thoughts. Her friends regarded her with mild curiosity, as if they thought it was just a phase. After all, wasn't everything a teenager goes through just a 'phase'. Raziel knew that the people she had come to love, were not the same person anymore. They had developed a different persona in her eyes. In her eyes, they were mere figments of her imagination.
"Raziel!" Was a common shout these days. Ripping the ebony haired girl away from her daydreams of a better place. She shifted her gaze to another at their overly crowded table. "What do you want Sakura?" Raziel snarled angrily, damn these people knew how to piss her off. "I was just telling everyone about how school is canceled tomorrow because of the hurricane!" Sakura managed to be equally as menacing in her retort. Raziel gave her friend a smirk. "As if we didn't already know that you moron...it's practically been around the whole school for 2 hours now." Sakura looked at her and around the table at all the other faces; all of them agreeing with the statement. "Hmph, whatever." She said and sat back in her chair to immerse herself in her CD player.
Raziel stared. How could this have become the normal morning routine? Sakura saying something that everyone already knew about, or having to be the center of the universe. Raz just couldn't take it anymore, and stood up knocking over her chair in the process. "I am so sick of your bad attitude! I wish I could just forget I had ever met a crazy person like you!" She growled angrily and sped off down the hallway toward her locker, leaving her friends in a discombobulated heap of confusion.
Raz swung her locker door open in anger. 'Damn this locker, damn the school, and damn everyone in it!!!!" Raziel shoved her things inside her bottom locker, muttering angrily to herself. Padriac appeared beside her, not saying a word, just leaning against the eternity of lockers. Raziel took little notice of him as she continued to cram undone homework, and endless texts into the tiny casm known as her locker. Padriac finally spoke, his blond spikes ruffling on top of his head. "You really should learn to cool it. People are gonna start resenting you for your seemingly pointless anger." He managed to say this all in a whisp of breath.
"Funny," Raz sneered. "This coming from a person who was once as self destructive as I am now. Perhaps more. Don't be such a hypocrite." Raz stood up from her crouching position and kicked the locker door closed. Padriac gave a small laugh and walked with her to their first period. Alanis was there, and so was Ciaran. Padriac took his place next to Alanis, and they began their daily routine of flirt, ignore, flirt, ignore. Raziel ignored the idea Ciaran was proposing for their Psychology project. She watched Padriac and Alanis in their moronic schedule, flirt, ignore, flirt, ignore... Her anger flared once again. Padriac was meant to be with her. She knew it in her soul, confused though it was most times.
"So anyways...I was thinking we could do Freud's theory.." Ciarans voice drifted in an out of focus. "Yea..sure." Raziel replied. She wanted solitude more than anything right now. She laid her head down and tried to listen to the review. The teacher had gone over this four times already, and it was becoming redundant. She longed to be in Creative Writing with the teacher who demanded quiet for thoughts to flow. She wanted to pour her soul onto paper, and just open the doors to the blackness that seemed to consume her mind at times. Padraic waved stupidly from across the room. Raziel loathed his foolish ignorance. The bell rung some time later and her friends ambled happily out the classroom toward their next period. Raziel sighed heavily and gathered her things.
Lunch came finally after a torturous 4 hours. She crammed her unwanted books into her locker, hoping the line wasn't too long, and the food not too poisonous. The stood in front of the lunch lady who unenthusiastically placed what appeared to be yesterday's leftover gruel onto a styrofoam plate, leaving no room for fruit or vegetables. Raziel blinked in amazement around the cafeteria. How many of these poor sods were shoveling this so called 'macaroni and cheese' into their poor mouths. She gave the garbage can a little visit, and proceeded straight to the a la carte stand. Ah the wonders of pizza, chips, cookies, and sports drinks.
Raziel sat with her normal companions; although they could hardly be called normal in the first place. She eyed them one by one, Kennith, Colon, Daniel, and Diarmid. They made perverse jokes and poked at each others nerves. Eventually one would snap, and Raziel was pretty sure it would be her first. Alanis made her way over to the table. "God!" She snapped. "Why the hell do they always run out of Propel and pizza as soon as I get to the front of the line!?" Raziel eyed her lazily. This was however, a normal occurrence. The boys began to make wise cracks about Alanis and her vegetarian diet. They threw pepperonies at her and Colon greedily stuffed imitation chicken sandwiches down his throat. Raziel hoped one day he would suffocate because of the non-chicken sandwiches.
The APs shooed them away as the bell rung for their next class, then ordered them back to clean up the mess they had made. The boys scoffed but did as they were told. It was all fun and games until someone got a referral and was doomed to purgatory, a.k.a. ISS. Alanis had been missing from lunch the past two days. She herself had been sentenced to purgatory due to her failure to be prompt to class. She suffered and wrote a ten page note and had given it to Raziel. Raz was not amused. Basically it stated her confusion over what period it was, and she cursed several times. Raziel made her way to drivers ed. Her less than favorite class. Deep down she loved the intensity of the small closed in course, loved to watch her teacher squirm as she drove to close to the fence, or narrowly missed a conechild. Oh how they loved their precious antique cars.
Alanis was the driver today. Raziel sat in back and made pointed comments about forgetting to put the blinker on, but said nothing more. Alanis was picky about the amount of conversation, she liked it a bare minimum. Raziel sat annoyed in the back and drifted off and looked out the window trying to decipher the patterns of the clouds. She became pleased when she spotted one that resembled a rain cloud. "Its going to rain.." She said placently. Alanis glared at her. "No duh! Oh yea...Padriac and I are going out now." Raziel stopped looking out the window and desperately tried to turn on the radio. Alanis slapped her hand away from the dial. This was going to be a long period. Twenty minutes later, the class ceased the endless driving and they returned the keys. Rain began to fall and the class left the teacher to dash desperately from car to car in attempt to roll up the windows. This seemed to be the high point of the period.
The bell rang and Raziel scaled the stairs for her locker once more. She retrieved her Geometry notebook and text and headed toward her prison. She was intercepted by Padriac who grinned at her then lost interest. Raz hadn't felt like talking to him, so he shifted off to another hallway looking for a friend in which to flirt. Raziel hated him for this act. He never seemed to care who he hurt. Alanis and him were going out now, and everything seemed to be fine, but Raziel wasn't so sure. If Padriac kept this up, there was no telling what the consequences would be.
Mr. Msoan lectured them on the principles of geometry. The difference between deductive and inductive reasoning faded in and out of consciousness as Raziel tried to tune out her ADD inflicted teacher. He drifted from one topic to another then lost track and told them a peculiar story with absolutely no relevance to the topic at hand. This grew troublesome indeed for the class, and eventually, they gave up. Raziel had know it to be futile from the beginning and doodled precariously on her review sheet. She had not time for this nonsense. She glanced across the room at Kira, Chase, and Daniel. They laughed together in the back corner of the room, while Raziel was stuck here in the front. She growled audibly as the little termite of a boy that sat behind her coughed and hacked and sneezed all over her back. Raziel could just feel the sickness clinging to her. Mr. Msoan had announced everyone in the first seat of every row to be 'row captains'. As row captain you did nothing but hand papers backward. Raziel fought the urge to place poison on the termite's paper.
The afternoon announcements came over the intercom, as the announcer fought to be heard. "Today's bus changes are.....1279 will be riding 4563 double trip today.." The class became noisier. "Riding 3985...Seniors!" The announcement were finished and the day had ended. Raziel stood to go meet her friends in the back of the room. They laughed histerically over a drawing of Chase done by Kira. "It does not look like a girl!" Kira fumed, snatching back her sketchbook and stowing it in her bookbag. "Yo." Raziel stretched. She hated these desks they were forced to sit in. Like electric chairs in prison. The bell rang and the day was over. Raziel couldn't say how exhausted she was. She walked with Kira, Chase, and Daniel to the door and stepped out into the bustling hallway. The boys took their leave and Kira walked with Raziel to the bus loop.
"How come you hardly ever laugh, but when you do, you laugh so hard I'm almost sure your lungs will break?" Kira asked timidly. Raziel was silent. She was not one to make small talk over such a question. Kira looked at her sadly. "When I first moved here...." Raz paused. How was she supposed to put this? "I was foolish. When I was in middle school, I laughed at everything. It annoyed people and they started to make fun of me. So one day, I stopped laughing." Raziel finished bluntly. "So...now you're like this?" Kira asked "Now I'm like this..."
Raziel walked through her front door to find her mother sitting on the couch and watching Montel. "Hey." Her mother called from the living room. Raziel didn't bother to answer. The normal routine ensued. "How was your day? Do you have any homework? You're bed isn't made, and the cat litter needs to be emptied...." Blah blah blah. Scattered words ensued as Raziel headed into her room and shut the door. "Art teacher called me....very upset...talking....you're " Raziel cranked up her stereo in annoyance. "Ok!" She yelled back through her wooden door. The only thing that kept her seperated from the turmoil around her.
Linkin Park floated through her thoughts as she started to draw. "What do I do to ignore them behind me? Do I follow my instincts blindly? Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams and give into sad thoughts that are maddening?" She sketched a face and a body and sang softly to herself. "Do I sit here and try to stand it? Or do I try to catch them red handed?" The CD skipped as she began to give the drawing a figure. " Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness? Cause I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin...I make the right moves but I'm lost within." She drew wings and sketched in the face. Another demon to add to the collection of pictures. She tossed the sketch aside and rolled over on her bed and fell asleep.
She was awoken sometime later by the shouts of her angry father and mother. Her dad complained about work while her mother complained about her. This was the typical routine. Raziel rolled onto the floor and crawled over to her bookbag searching for her vocabulary assignment. She might as well look busy when her father came in to chastise her.
The night seemed just as long as it always had, yet more arduous. Somehow she managed to block out the harsh words with nothing more than her thoughts. Her father left and Raziel was left as an empty shell on her bed, vocab book open in her lap, unfinished. The phone rang and Raziel gripped at it hoping for a reprieve from this numb reality. "Hello?" Raziel sighed. "Yes Raz, its Alanis." The phone sighed in answer. "Yo. What's up?" The response was a generated one. She listened to the other line as Alanis began ranting about Padriac and what a jerk he was. It had been only a few hours and it was already happening. "And he was flirting with this girl!! I was like..Oh my god!" Raziel set the phone down momentarily and grabbed some aspirin. This would be a long conversation.
What seemed like several hours later, Raziel's dad came in and bothered her about tying up the phoneline. "Whats he saying?" Asked Alanis. "He says dinner's ready. I have to go. Talk to you tomarow." Raziel explained. "Ok. I didn't stress you out did I?" Alanis asked concerned. Raziel hung up. The rest of the evening was devoted to eating dinner in silence, and the completion of her homework. Raziel looked up at the clock: 12:32 A.M. Raziel stood up and set her alarm for six in the morning, and turned off her light. She collapsed exhausted onto her bed, not bothering to change.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Raziel smashed her alarm clock into silence and rolled over. Fifty-nine seconds later her mother strode up to her door and began pounding angrily on it. "Wake up! Get your lazy ass out of bed or you're going to be late!!!" She shrieked. Raziel mumbeld a response from the depths of her scattered pillows and sheets. "Uckschoolmnotgoin" The door opened and every light in her room was turned on instantly. Raziel shrank from the light and squinted her eyes angrily. "Fine...I'll be out in a minute." She mumbled sarcastically. Her mother left as Raz lifted her carcass from her mattress. Raziel wandered to the kitchen in search of poptarts. Finding what she sought, Raziel ambled over to the kitchen table and reached for the comics. Seven minutes passed as she munched poptarts and read comics that were only slightly funny. She did not laugh. "You're going to be late!" Her mom yelled. "Let her walk her lazy ass to school. Maybe then she'll get herself out of be in the morning!" He dad sneered from across the table. "No I won't." Raziel stood up and went to collect her things for school. She brushed her teeth and changed her shirt and walked out the door in a zombie like state. Once the door was shut and Raziel safely outside, she put on her headphones and began the 4 minute walk to her bustop.
The streetlights were still on, and there were 2 others already there when Raziel arrived. She sat on the curb halfheartedly, listening to her CD player. "Now I know what it means to live for someone else...to give up yourself.." P.O.D. sang sorrowfully. The bus came 13 minutes later and Ciaran ran down her street, late as usual. Raziel set her head on the seat and melted into her CD player. Ciaran prodded her in the arm, and Raziel looked up. "I won my race in the swim meet last night!!" Raziel tried to read her lips, as she could not hear her words. "Meet? Oh yea...the swim meet. Congrats." Raziel gave a rare smile. Ciaran had always been Raz's best friend. There from the beginning, and still here in the end. Ciaran smiled back estatically. The bus slowed and the final stop boarded the bus. The twins, Sybel and Tamlorn, waved at Raziel as they headed to the back of the bus.
At seven o'clock, the bus driver turned them over to the school's care. Raziel walked with Ciaran to the cafeteria. They set down their bookbags and joined the table. Padriac and Alanis sat side by side, with Sakura on the other side. Raziel longed to be in Sakura's place but said nothing. She took her place between Ciaran and Alanis. Nyl sat across from her furiously searching through his french book for answers. A round of heartfelt 'Good morings' passed between the other five. Raziel did not join in. She looked straight at Padriac. He did not catch her eye. Raziel grew tired of the meaningless banter that flung between Sakura and Ciaran. Alanis, Padriac, and Raziel sat mostly silent as Nyl continued on his homework.
Silently, Raziel stood up and gathered her things. Padriac and Alanis eyed her, then stood up too. Raziel uttered no goodbye as she headed upstairs. Back to her locker. Same routine, same school, same people, same boring life. She snatched her psychology notebook and crammed anything else away. Padriac and Alanis appeared beside her. "What's up?" They asked. Raziel stood up and shouldered her messanger bag. "Nothing." She said robotically. 'If there was anything wrong, would you really care Padriac?' Raziel thought selfishly. She shook the thoughts from her head and began wandering the hallway with the new couple.
"I'm so sick of Sakura! She was talking about you behind your back yesterday. Saying stuff about how your being weird and stupid." Alanis spouted her anger. Raziel was hardly suprised. "I've never gotten along with her very well anyways." Raziel said blatantly. Padriac kept silent. It was obvious he didn't want to take sides. "I just wish I could forget I ever met her..." 'And Padriac' Raziel thought. 'Out of a thousand guys in this school, he had to be the one I fell in love with. Had to be the boy to go out with every single one of my damned friends.' He just wanted to be friends with her, he had said. Raziel's face contorted in annoyance. "What's wrong?" Padriac asked. 'Things you'll never know.' She wanted to say. Instead she answered the same "Nothing."
'Does anybody ever believe me when I say that?' Raziel wondered. Alanis and Padriac began flirting. Apparently Alanis had forgiven him for his little episode. Raziel looked away, down the hallways, not yet crowded by students. "I have a bad feeling about today.." Alanis muttered ominously. Raziel shrugged it off. Alanis always had bad feelings. Most of the times they were right, but Raziel didn't feel like believing in anything anymore.
The fifteen minute bell rang, and the group of three headed to psych class. They took their seats and waited for the teacher to begin the lesson. Raziel looked up at the board. "Psych 1 Honors, test on chapter 2 today!" Raziel read aloud. This took a minute to sink in. She turned to Ciaran and gave her a doomed expression. "We have a bloody test today?!" She whispered frantically. Ciaran looked down at her and nodded. "What was up with you three this morning? Just got up and left. You need to stop being so pissy Raz." Ciaran lectured. Raziel shook her head not bothering to answer. She opened her notebook and started reviewing the notes for any last minute info.
Mr. Fuenten meandered into the room as the bell rang and ordered them to put away all books and notes, and to take out a pencil. The rest of the period was devoted to test taking. When the bell rung some time later, the students passed up their tests and gathered their things. "Suprisingly easy." Raziel yawned happily to Ciaran. The group stepped out of the class room to the sound of screams echoing through the hallway. Raziel looked down the corridor to the main hallway. Students were all running in one direction toward the stairs. Strange sounds came from further down the hall. "What the hell is all the noise?" Asked Alanis. Raziel looked at Padriac and met his eyes. She knew those sounds. They were gunshots.
Raziel gave one last look at Ciaran and Alanis and took off down the corridor. Something drove her to see this. She had to see what was happening. Was it real? Was it a figment of her imagination? She came to the doorway that seperated the back hallways from the main one. She looked back over her shoulder before she dared peer around the wall. Padriac was close behind her and he stopped next to her, fear blazing in his eyes. Raziel forgot where she was momentarily as she watched him. She had never seen his eyes blaze with such an intensity before.
She shook her head and tore her eyes away. Leaning over slightly, she peered down the long hallway. Three figures were dressed in black. They looked like ninjas, but were poorly concealed. Each had an enourmous gun in their hands, and they fired randomly. Raziel peeked her head out a bit further, against her better judgement. The hallways were clear now, except for the carcasses of her former classmates on the tiled floor. Blood splattered the wall, and seeped across the floor, each student's blood mingling with another. Each of them was now combined in the same tragedy, the same fate, the same tainted blood. Padriac shifted from behind her. "What the hell is going on?" He queried. Raziel turned to look at him. He stood there shaking, like a baby rabbit.
Footsteps echoed behind Padriac, and Raziel looked over his shoulder. Alanis was running toward them, Ciaran following stealthily behind her. Raziel tried to mimic to them in silence to be quiet. Alanis did not get the message clearly and shouted at them. "Hey! Raz, whats wrong? What're you guys just standing there for? We're gonna be late." Ciaran clobbered her over the head. "Oh my effing god! Are you a freaking moron? Didn't you hear the shots?" Ciaran fumed angrily. She was also scared, but she would not admit it. She glared furiously at Alanis.
Raziel started to shake. Terror ran through her veins. Yet again she peeked around the corner. The three black clothed figures were walking towards the stair case. They looked like death itself. A sudden calm washed over Raziel and she turned back to her friends. "Get out of here...I'll distract them, you all run." She smiled feining reassurace. She stepped forward into the hallway, into plain view of the murderers. She heard small gasps, but continued on her way. She turned to face them head on, staring at their ski masks, and their large weapons. She prayed they were out of ammunition.
What seemed like an eternity passed between the time Raziel stepped into the open, until the time they raised their weapons to strike. Raziel was suprised. There was no hesitation in their movements, and she had no time to charge them. Noise sprang from the corridor, and the small group burst forth from their hiding place. Ciaran, Alanis, and Padriac all paused to survey the scene. "Run you fools!" Raziel shrieked. Gunshots rang out, and Raziel was struck in the shoulder. She heard Ciaran and Alanis cry out as they were struck in the arms and legs. "Run!!!" Raziel screamed. Ciaran nodded angrily at Raziel and dragged Alanis down the stairs. Padriac hadn't been hit and stood there beside Raziel. "Go Padraic! Help them to safety!!" Raziel clenched her teeth against the pain. "What in the hell is this?" One of the teens mocked. "Think you'll play the hero and save your so called friends?" All three laughed harshly. "Damn it..." Raziel swore. "Say goodbye!" The two closest to Raziel raised their guns and fired.
"Raziel!" Padriac flung himself towards her, trying to knock her out of harm's way. A bullet struck her in the head, and the pair fell to the floor in a heap. Raziel's mind swirled. She opened her eyes briefly. All she saw was bloody images. Blood flowed from her forehead in a torrent and clouded her eyesight. She felt Padriac next to her. He was not moving. "Padriac..?!" She croaked feebily. Another round of torturous laughter, and the three pairs of footsteps receded. "Padriac plese don't die...I love you so much...Please..." Raziel made one last attempt to wake Padriac as she slipped painfully into oblivion.
Images blurred and mixed into a swirling painting of what was imagined and what was reality. Raziel awoke a week later in a hospital bed. Ciaran and Alanis by her side. Both beamed at her, and for a moment, she smiled back. She wonderd what she was doing here. "Hey guys..whats going on?" Raziel tried desperately to focus her vision which seemed to be as steady as a tilt-a-whirl. Ciaran stood up and walked out of the room returning seconds later, Raziel's parents in tow. "You're awake!" Her parents smiled seemingly happy. Raziel stared around. She could not for the life of her remember what she was doing here.
'Life...' Raziel's mind registered the word. Images flashed through her mind; red, pain, guns, blood..."Run!" Raziel screamed outloud. Everybody flinched. "Its ok...." Ciaran and Alanis soothed. Raziel's parents left to retrieve the doctor. Dread filled Raziel's thoughts. "No...you dont understand! You have to get out!" Raziel's eyes were clenched shut, trying to block the images that came flooding back to her. There were bloody classmates everywhere. All over the walls, blood left a secret reminder. Raziel opened her eyes and looked at her friends. "Tell me it's a nightmare...I'm only dreaming.." Raz mumbled seriously. Alanis and Ciaran both glanced at each other and shook their heads. Ciaran put her leg up onto the rim of the bed and pulled up her jean leg. Bandages were wrapped securly around the gunshot wound. Alanis rolled up her sleeve to show similar bandages.
Raziel's head pounded. She reached up to where her forehead had been, and found a thick piling of bangades. She shut her eyes slowly and tried to cancel out the bad memories. She opened them again, holding back tears. She blinked at Alanis and Ciaran. They too had glossy eyes, as if they were refusing to shed a tear. They were older now then they had been when they had first met, and crying was not an option. Crying meant weakness, and weakness could not, would not be shown. Raziel sat up, straining against her muscles that refused to work. A rustling noise came from the doorway, and a spiky blond teen walked into the door holding 3 flowers. He smiled sadly at the girls and stepped forward. He handed Alanis and Ciaran each a flower, and turned to face Raziel. 'Who's this guy?' Raziel wondered as she reached out a hand and took the flower offered to her.
"How's are you all doing?" He asked. "We're fine.." Alanis mumbled back a reply. Ciaran nodded her head. Padriac looked around the room once more and walked away, shading his eyes from view. Raziel smirked. "Who was that?" She asked suggestively. Ciaran's eyes grew wide and she glanced at Alanis. "What do you mean?" Ciaran asked. " I mean..who was that guy who just came in here? And why did he give us flowers? Have you two been flirting with a patient?" Raziel nearly laughed. "Erm..." Ciaran was at a loss for words. "Duh! That was Padriac. Don't tell me you've forgotten him after a week away!" Alanis laughed nervously. "Padriac huh? What a beautiful name! Omg...his eyes were practically ethereal!" Raziel blushed.
Ciaran shrugged and Alanis looked away out the window. Raziel's parents came bustling back in, a doctor seconds behind. The next day Raz was released from the hospital, feeling good as new. She was thrust back into the sunlight of day. She squinted sadly. What was going to happen now? Nyl and the twins had come to visit her that day, as well as Kira. None of them had sustained injuries during the event, and for that, Raz was grateful. She soon discovered that she had been shot in the head, and had been in a coma for a week. She had not remembered how she had sustained the injury. Everything was blurry, and information was lost. The doctors had said they were suprised that she had lived from a gunshot wound to the head.
When she arrived home, her parents were a little nicer than usual. They got her drinks, and made sure she was comfortable. This bothered her. Had things changed so much? Mostly she refused to accept their help, due to the fact that she had too much pride and disliked feeling weak. She watched the news tirelessly. Observing footage of the crime scene, seeing the blood of people's children smeared on the wall, turned her numb inside. She had been there, watched it unfold, stood by that blood stain, watched that person die with tears in their eyes mumbling "I love yous" and praying to a god that wanted them to die. How could one knowingly pray to that deity? Raziel shook her head. The phone rang and Raziel walked to get it. It was Ciaran. "Hey." Raziel said. "How're you feeling Raz?" Ciaran asked, casually as if she had only fallen and hit her head. "Im fine, what about you? How's your leg feeling?" Raziel could hear Ciaran hobbling around on the other end of the phone. "Just dandy." Sarcasm was always Raziel's and Ciaran's strong suite. They couldn't live without it.
Ciaran coughed on the other end of the phone line, and Raziel knew she was trying to change the subject from their injuries. "So erm..When do you think school will reopen?" Ciaran asked indifferently. The thought hadn't occured to Raziel that life would resume after this event. "I don't know." She answered honestly. Voices came from the backround of the receiver and Ciaran muttered a, "I have to go." and hung up. Raziel set the receiver down and fell onto the couch once more.
Days passed and Raziel hadn't talked to anyone since she had hung up with Ciaran. She slowly recovered, but as her physical strength flourished once more, her mental strength withered away. She slept little, unable to rid the demons from her mind even in sleep. She walked zombie-like around the house, a mere shell of her former self. Raziel was sure the others felt this way. She was filled with a growing darkness, an unspeakable amout of pain built slowly up inside her, and the solitude seemed unbearable. How was she to live this dreary existance? Several weeks later, the killers had been identified, and put in jail. There, they would sit on death row for the remainder of their lives.
Months later, school reopened. The first day back was horrendous. Raziel stumbled into the doorway of the school. Everyone was standing around, shifting uneasily. In the front entrace hallway, stood a vast memorial, a tribute to all the students, friends, and family that had been lost. Candles burned and flowers lay dying without water. Raziel spotted the cluster of her friends. "Hey Alanis, Ciaran, Nyl.." She nodded to each one in turn solemly. She turned to the last boy and her heart skipped a beat. It was the same boy from the hospital who had brought them all flowers. His once spiked hair had grown out longer and it fell into his eyes. She looked at him curiously, and looked back at Ciaran. "What's his name again?" She whispered. There was very little talk going on in the whole school. "You really are a twit. Thats Padriac, of course. He just grew his hair out again." Ciaran scoffed, she was not having a pleasant time. "Just how long have we known him then? I 've never seen him before." At this, Padriac looked up at her through his earthly brown eyes that still seemed to float in the clouds. "Raz?" He asked slowly. "Yea that's me." She replied. The bell rang.
Throughout the day, Raziel walked aimlessly through the hallways. The teachers didn't expect anything from them, seeing how it was their first day back in months, and the smell of fresh blood still tainted the air. The school year seemed to start all over again. Raziel walked home after the first day with Evanescence blairing in her ears. "How can you see into my eyes..like open doors?" Raziel sang along. 'That reminds me...That Padriac guy, when I look at him, he looks like he has known me for years. What's his deal? I think I've seen him before somewhere besides the hospital. He just seems so familiar. Maybe I've seen him in the hallways before..' Raziel reasoned with herself. The front door swung open and she meandered inside. Her first day back had been exhausting. There had been so much pain, and everyone was crying endlessly. Raziel rubbed her temples.
The phone rang half an hour later, and Raziel walked slowly to pick it up. She glanced at the caller ID and saw the boy's name. "Hello?" She said. "Hey Raz, its me." Raziel blinked slowly. "How did you get this number?" She asked suspiciously. She had only talked to this guy once, but he was in some of her classes, and he waved in the hallway. "What do you mean 'how did I get this number'? Raz, is there something wrong? Lately you've been acting like you've never seen my face before. You're freaking me out big time...." The voice trailed off. "I don't know who you are. All I know is that your name is Padriac, you're in some of my classes, and you're very cute." Raziel gasped into the reciever. "I mean..um..sorry." She said. There was silence on the other end of the phone. Raziel heard a click and a dial tone ensued. The guy had hung up. Raziel set the phone back on the receiver and went to take a nap.
Raziel didn't wake up for the rest of the night, and she slept early into the morning. Raziel rolled over on her bed, and found herself falling onto the floor. Raziel swore silently and crawled lamely over to her dresser and stared through her glazed over eyes at her alarmclock. 2:35 in the goddamned morning it said. She decided to get dressed against her better judgement. She threw on a long sleeved shirt and a pair of black jeans. She stepped out of her room and her eyes adjusted to the blackness quickly. She headed to the computer room and snatched her laptop from its desk. She booted it up and signed onto AOL. Nobody was online. 'Why would they be?' She thought dismally. 'Its two o'clock in the bloody morning.' She signed into her blogging website and updated her journal. While doing so, she heard that familiar noise that signalled a buddy signing on. She looked at her buddy list and noticed the familiar screename and smiled slightly. She instant messaged her friend.
Razielthesoulreaver: Hey Alanis..
OnELonelyGiRl: Raziel? Why are you up so early?
Razielthesoulreaver: I just couldn't seem to stay asleep. sighs
Alas, I shall wither away or become hallucinogenic if I am sleep
deprived for much longer!
OnELonelyGiRl: ROTFL! You crack me up girl.
Razielthesoulreaver: Glad someone is somewhat cheery.
School is going to be a nightmare from now on.
Everyone is so dreary it makes me sick.
OnELonelyGiRl: Can you really blame them?
Their friends were slaughtered. We're lucky, we all escaped
from death relativley unscathed.
Razielthesoulreaver: I guess. Anyways..that Padriac boy called me after
school today. He hung up on me! I couldn't believe it!
It was probably because I told him I thought he was cute. shrugs
OnELonelyGiRl: OMG Raizel! You finally told him you liked him!?
I'm happy for you and all, but I hope you remember that
Im going out with him now....
Razielthesoulreaver: What do you mean 'Finally'? And besides,
I didn't say that I like him, I just told him I thought he was cute...
Raziel trailed off. 'She's going out with him?' Raizel's stomach dropped. She felt sick.
Razielthesoulreaver: I have to go...see ya tomarrow.
With that, Raziel signed off. She looked at the clock again. It was only 3 o'clock in the morning. Raziel turned around and powerd up her playstation. It was an old console, but she was fond of the thing. She played Legacy of Kain until it was time to get ready for school. She gathered her things for her backpack, and headed out the door. She fumbled around in her bookbag searching for her CD player when she heard the bus off in the distance. Raziel cursed. It was only on a day she was up before her alarm that she missed her bus.
Months went by, and school resumed it normalness again, although people were sketchy, and they looked around corners before venturing into the main hallways. Raziel spent most of her time contemplating the meaning of life. 'Why are we here? If there is a god, why does he have such a dark sense of humor?' What was more was that Padriac boy wouldn't leave her alone. He seemed to be everywhere, waiting around corners, waiting next to her locker. "Hey Raz!" He gave that look that scared her. Scared of being too hopeful. Apparently Raziel had known him once, but had forgotten who he was. "Oh, it's you." Raziel sighed in disbelief, why couldn't she remember who this guy was? She thought that him being as hot as he was, would jog her memory.
In Psychology, the teacher had been talking about the mind's defense mechanisms. Repression mean forgetting something that had traumatised you. Perhaps she had repressed every memory she supposedly had of him. Raziel looked into his eyes as his words rushed over her. She didn't hear them. Before she knew it, Alanis stood beside Padriac, clutching his hand protectively. "Oh..hey Alanis." Raziel broke from her trance to see the couple before her. Alanis leaned closer to Padriac. "Are you ok Raz? You don;t look so good." Raziel felt like Alanis was stabbing her in the chest everytime she got an inch closer to Padriac. She sook her head. "I'm fine...Jeez, why does everyone assume I'm all dainty and weak all the time?" Raziel gave an annoyed sigh and stormed off towards her locker.