I sit there happily.
Spoonful by spoonful.
Just one more I say.
But it's all gone.
Thoughts run through my head.
Looking around hoping no one can see.
I make my way to the kitchen.
Pretending I'm ever so happy.
Straight to the bin I go.
Throw Ben and Jerry ice cream, slow.
As it hits the bottom all I can see.
Are there sadistic faces smiling up at me.
Laden with rubbish I try to hide.
There happy faces, wishing I'd died.
I pour it all in, hoping no one would see.
My disgrace, especially my family.
I get a bottle of water.
And down it fast.
Feeling very sick.
But knowing it will pass.
I drink and drink.
Till I've tears in my eyes.
As my mascara runs.
I know I can't hide.
Sick to my stomach.
I sit there and wait.
Ready for destiny.
To deal me my fate.
Nonchalantly I go to my room.
Whispering goodnight and I'll see you soon.
As I walk up the stairs knowing what's next.
I brace myself for the next big step.
I pretend that I'll sleep.
But really I'll creep.
Down the hall and through the door.
Ready to reveal this ugly lore.
Standing there cold as ice.
Ready to do whatever I might.
To expel this vileness from me right.
Down the dark passage that will bring light.
I crouch slowly down,
Ready to cause harm,
Not really caring,
If people are alarmed.
I take the big step.
All I do is retch.
And retch and retch and retch.
Very much to success.
Tears running down my cheeks.
As I sit there and slowly weep.
Weep for everything I've just done.
For everything that can't be undone.
I flush the toilet.
Watching everything die away.
Not liking the look on my face.
But that will never fade.
So my dirty deed is done.
Could I really call it fun?
I guess I could as it's helping me.
Realise the reality.
That life is hard and not always fun.
Sometimes you do things, for the long run.
When I'll look at me and see…
What I always wanted to be…
A/N… Plz R&R, means a lot.