What I Gave Is Yours To Keep

They ask me what I think!

What I think about what?

All the time

all the wasted

time

that I spent

silencing myself.

My Self

belongs to me...

Ask me to forgive

hunt me down

because I never finish what I start.

Give me a secret

and ask me no questions

I'm just a charming lady

holding tight to the people that I love.

I'm just a dream

that you dreamt willingly

your tears

just weeping

and me

just seeping back into my skin.

I dreamt a dream tonight

of all of the faces

who I have lost hold of

over these years.

My numbers

aging,

my face

aging

but what of it

like fine wine

I plan to improve with age.

He told me that he loved me

and that he would haunt me

even if

(and when)

I let him go

but I think I'm doing fine now.

No one ever told me

that I needed to smile

to make a good impression

on God

but sweet Jesus doesn't live here anymore.

I'm wondering

here

as he holds my hand

exactly who I was then

that girl

so far from me now.

I want to whisper

that I know my heritage

that Wilfred lives on in me

and Thomas

and even

Robert

flow through my veins.

That Cecil

and Marry Anne

and Melinda

are all that I have left-

my map

to lead me through myself.

My reasons

for breathing

my reasons

from being here.

And no one

understands

that I do miss those days

and that time

that linger

like stars

across my night.

My might being

that I have loved

and lost

but have not all souls

wallowing guesses

to keep the darkness away.

Questions

of

God

that I ask all to often

and answers

spoken so silently that I can't hear them.

I want to rush back up

to the beginning

when I sprang forth from my mother

and tell

that baby

that little girl

me

that everything will be alright

no matter what happens

everything will be alright

on this night.

And I sprang forth

nineteen

and alone

from Washington

to a place

where even still I cannot name

without a compass

to guide me to the right part of my heart

that knows its true pronunciation.

I'm lingering

I know that its true

so close

and yet so far away

from the people that I am addressing this to.

Can you hear me?

find the pitch of my voice in my words?

See the curl of my hair as it falls into my face,

my head tilted

listening to my heart tonight.

Have I revealed my secrets

enough

for understanding

tonight.