Pathetic

How pathetic do I look?
Sitting here,
Crying like a baby?
Tears streaming down my face,
Falling into my baby blanket-
Of all things.

How pathetic do I feel?
Crying day after day,
The same thing over and over,
Tears clouding my vision,
Breath coming in short gasps…

Plain out-
How pathetic am I?
I'm me,
For god's sake!
I'm supposed to be poised
And all pulled together-
But I'm not.

On the inside I'm hurt,
Crying and bleeding,
Badgering myself over and over
For something I cannot help.

Supposedly,
It's a disease-
There's nothing I can physically do-
Except tell.
Tell my dad that I'm depressed-
That I feel pathetic and worthless!

But, alas!
Here I sit,
Still crying,
Still bleeding,
Still trying to stand poised and pulled together.

As the last tear fell down my face,
I think-
Pathetic!
How pathetic am I!
Do I actually want to believe that I am depressed?