Writing Poetry


Now the first and foremost rule

That they teach in poet school

Is to make your poems endlessly obscure.

If the reader is confused

He will be the more enthused

As he puzzles over arcane metaphors.

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Disregard your punctuation

And forget capitalization

Every shred of readability must go.

Don't worry if it's mistakeful

It will keep the reader wakeful

And it keeps a lazy listener on his toes.

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Fashion cantos long and wandering

And a meaning deep and pondering

Only then can any poem satisfy.

Create symbols most ambiguous

Make lines lengthy and circuitous

And your audience will be truly gratified.

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Make your stanzas long and tedious

Critics will call it ingenious

And make bestsellers out of your inanities.

With benignly hopeful smiles

They will read your poems while

Your verses slowly eat away their sanity.

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If these simple rules you follow

Then the readers they will swallow

All your work with most tenacious piety.

Although they won't understand it

They will nonetheless demand it

As you write your way to notoriety.