My bed is a welcome place, a comforting place and my legs are tired from climbing up the stairs and so I sink to lie down, staring up at a blank ceiling. The radio is on, playing old sonds that I barely head as the first teards come. I always know when I'm going to cry, it's almost a feeling that settles and the tears become inevitable. It's always inevitable as I climb the stairs and face the lonely truth once again. It's always there, my truth, hiding beneath all your pretty lies and clever deceptions, but I know that no matter how sweet your words are or how wonderful your promsies, they will never last.
They never last, your lies, they fade away one by one to expose the truth that I am left drowing in. The truth is you don't love me. Those three words paint a wonderful picture that I crave with all my heart, but how can you love me? You barely know me. You know my name, my age...basics, but you don't know my flaws. You don't love me for my flaws. You don't love me at all. It's just a nice fairytale to believe in. But when I'm alone in my room, staring at your picture through blurred eyes, I know. You don't love me.
We'll be together someday. Another pretty lie weaved to give me hope. Hope that should never be. For hope is not what we have, we don't have hope, we don't have a future, we have a basket full of old memories and pain. It's a tattered basket, but one I've clung to with my last ounce of strength. I've tried so hard to keep us together, but I can't anymore. There's no point in fighting for something that will never be, and there's no point in fighting for someone who will never be mine.
Her face is there, too. I see it beside yours as I wrap my arms around myself, choking on words I'll never say. Words I've needed to say all along. I wish I could find the strength to confront you, to call you out on your lies, to thrust them in the light and force you to explain. I wish I could have the patience to push down those familiar walls and show you that I'm not afraid to be there for you, I'm strong enough to handle your pain and my own. I wish I could make you care, make you wonder, make you feel the same way I do. I wish that I had you here tonight as I write these bitter words, I wish more than anything that I had you instead of a glaring computer screen and my own misery. I wish, I wish, I wish and I can wish, but wishes won't change the truth. You don't love me. You don't know me. We won't be together and I can't wait any longer.
Goodbye. I love you and I'm sure a part of me always will. But there's a truth that I can't escape and you have a wedding date already set and a blushing bride that you love. And that's okay or it will be.
that's the end. thanks for reading and reviewing.