if we went behind the trees

of the schoolhouse

and i exposed myself to you

everything i held near

would you run away in fear?

(screaming "bloody murder!")

like a cloud of billowy blue smoke,

would you just up and disappear?

exposing all my dark secrets

my never never land

i was trying to take away you, wendy, with me,

the poor man's

gender-confused

peter pan.

and yet sinking down with me

you don't want to be

as low as i go

below the shady maple trees

it's the truth

i am the self-absorbed black plague

i am the disease.

oh, and i realize

from behind bloodshot eyes

the maps of reasons are hard to tell

it's very hard to tell

the treasures of neuroses hidden in quicksand

you dressed in your best insecurities

me a narcotic punching bag

a sentinel pervert in a jail cell

holding out my hand to the whimpering priest

and i tremble

and i tremble

i scream for a rosary

i scream for redemption!

(my wonderwall?)

because there's nothing else to do

i have become typhoid mary

with her foam hands,

i have become the strange and deadly foreign land

with blankets full of smallpox and poison

no, you don't catch me before a fall

the antidote to everything right with the world

(what they're trying to eliminate/what makes people hate)

people like me

searching along for the unmarked keys
never to be found, never to be found

lost without a cause, lost without a sound

it hits me low like a prizefighter in an irish 1911 streetmatch with saliva screaming bloody murder

and money cows hoarding their tickets, screaming scarlet obscenities that bounce off my sandlot ears

questioning all my untruths, all my fears

not surviving in this motley third world war

i am the disease.