Scene i

(Empty street, Remus and Marcus walking)

Remus- So you were trying to get away from her?

Marcus- Exactly.

(Anti enters from building)

Remus- Good day, Anti.

Anti- You call this a good day? I hate to live through a day you would call bad.

Marcus- Where are you heading to on this cheerful evening, oh omnipres…

Remus- (nudges Marcus) (whispers) Omniscient!

Marcus- …oh, omniscient one?

Anti- By the way I lived my life, probably hell. (Exits)

Marcus- Was not that the kind old soothsayer who donated his own wife and children to the church?

Remus- Yup.

Marcus- We're doomed.

Remus- You just now figured that out?

Marcus- You know that we're all probably going to die.

Remus- Sad, isn't it?

Marcus- It's all Cececelia's fault. If I didn't have to fight you to marry her, then I'd be in Rome at this exact moment.

Remus- You're right! I would have been in Amsterdam by now too if I hadn't met her. That wench!

Marcus- What would you be doing in Amsterdam?

Remus- Um, research…on…elves?

Marcus- Ah. There has got to be some way out of this town!

Remus- We have to hurry.

(Plemys enters)

Remus- I thought you left town.

Plemys- I tried. The front gate is locked. (Sits on ground and thinks) I got it! By the marketplace, you know the stables?

Marcus- (Confused) Stables?

Remus- I know them.

Plemys- Well, it comes right up to the wall. If we can get on the roof, we may be able to climb over the wall.

Marcus- Oh! The stables! I know them!

Remus- Let's go!

Marcus- You know they come right up to the wa-

(Remus and Plemys pull him along, all exit)

Scene ii

(Marcus, Remus, Plemys running) (Rufus crosses in front with shotgun)

Rufus- Stop right there! You got my family into this mess and you are going to get us out! (Points gun at Plemys)

Plemys- I wasn't the one who went off the script!

Rufus- Wait a minute! Someone went off the script?

Plemys- Yeah, Viva did.

Rufus- Viva! I never liked that woman. She was too frumpy. Now get us out of here.

(Steps forward, Plemys steps back)

Plemys- Fine!

Remus- Plemys!

Plemys- They're going to shoot me if we don't.

Remus- So?

(Plemys gives him a dirty look)

Rufus- Good! Claudia and Cececelia, we're leaving! Come along now.

(Claudia and Cececelia show up)

Cececelia- Remus…Marcus.

Remus and Marcus- (mumbles) Cececelia.

Rufus- Good! We're all here! Let's go.

(All continue on)

Scene iii

(All continue running down deserted streets, still raining ash and rocks, they make several turns)(Pass the same statue twice)

(Cececelia trips and falls, Remus and Marcus ignores her) (Rufus points gun at Plemys again)

Plemys- Remus! Marcus!

Marcus- Fine! (Helps Cececelia up)

(All continue running until reach stables)

Marcus- (runs into stable, then out again) No good. There's no door out here either!

Remus- You idiot! We're climbing over the wall!

Cececelia- How do we get over?

Plemys- Easy. Climb up that rope! (points to rope tied to a giant rock on roof)

Cececelia- Oh.

(Cececelia, Rufus, Claudia all start climbing up rope) (Rock starts sliding down roof) (Once they are near top, rock falls, so do they)

Plemys- Now that they're out of the way…we use this. (Goes inside then comes out with ladder)

Remus- You're not a very nice guy.

Plemys- I'm anal retentive.

Remus- Ah.

Marcus- Let's go.

(All climb ladder) (Plemys pulls up ladder and sets it on other side of wall) (They all climb down)

Marcus- Thank God we're out of the city! I thought we would all die.

Remus- Thank God? Don't you mean gods?

Marcus- Isn't that what I said?

Remus- I could have sworn you said God.

Marcus- I'm sorry then. That's not what I meant.

Remus- Oh, it's okay.

Plemys- You guys! We're still doomed! Just because we're out of the city does not mean we're safe from the volcano.

Marcus- What's a volcano?

Remus- Isn't it those guys from Star Trek with the pointy ears?

Marcus- I thought those were elves.

Remus- No, we went over this before. Elves have blond hair. Volcanoes fly the spaceships.

Marcus- For the elves?

Remus- No. I think they fly them for themselves.

Marcus- Then who flies the spaceships for the elves.

Remus- The hobbits.

Marcus- Oh. That makes sense.

Plemys- Hello? I mean the mountain. Besides, everyone knows that the elves don't fly spaceships. They're the ones with the underwater cities.

Marcus and Remus- Aaaah.

Plemys- We need to get farther away.

(All run)

Scene iv

(Still running, come across an airstrip and a two-seater plane)

Remus- A plane! But it's only a two-seater!

Marcus- Well…(turns to Plemys) It's sure been nice knowing you!

(Remus and Marcus take off running towards plane)

Plemys- Hey! (Runs after them)

(Plemys goes in first, Marcus and Remus pulls him out) (Marcus and Remus go in, Plemys tries to pull Remus out, Remus bites Plemys) (Plemys lets go, plane door closes, and engine starts up) (Plane turns to take off, Plemys ducks under the wing) (Gets hit by the tail, then backs up) (Watches as plane takes off, then turns to look at mountain)

Plemys- I am in quite a pickle! Oh, well. (Turns to audience) Well, I've been told by producers to either end with a song or a rhyme. I don't sing, so I'll tell a rhyme. Um, let's see…the moral of this tale I tell, um…you will learn if you listen well…ooh, that's good…flirting leads to slow painful death…um, hm…even if you're a girl named Beth…uh…I know I'm not the best at rhymes…um…uh…I…I've subscribed to the New York Times! That should be rhyme enough. And, now, since I do not prefer to die by a slow painful suffocation of burning hot ash, I will quote the great Shakespeare! But first… (Pulls out knife and stabs himself) 'Fly, Fleance, fly!' (Thinks) Oh, wait…wrong scene (Flips through a script book) Ah, yes. 'Mother! I am killed! (Dies, slowly and dramatically)

The End.