Disclaimer: I don't own any of the bishounen/ bishoujo (anime characters) in this story. So there.

A Nation of Chibis!

Way back in the "b.c." years, when Spain wasn't a country and calypso music was nothing more than a figment of people's imaginations, there was a nation made up entirely of insane short people, called the Chibcha. Their ruler, an all-powerful, insane empress named Jen or "Chibi-chan", was the most powerful (and insane) ruler to ever govern the land. This is her slightly twisted, anime-themed story.


Jen gazed at the Chibcha capital, her freakishly large (yet adorable) eyes looking stern while still retaining a large amount of cuteness. Most other native tribes couldn't survive in the face of so much sheer kawaiiness, which explained why the Chibcha were the most powerful natives around. That and that they were all insane in one way or another, making them more dangerous than a dragon that had eaten 1,000 jalapeños for lunch. Seriously.

"All hail Chibi-chan!" called a Chibcha from the foot of Jen's golden throne, which was engraved with the images of the greatest bishounen of all time.

"Who DARES disturb the insane one?!" bellowed Jen in her slightly high-pitched chibi-voice. It sounded really strange, to be honest. And by strange, I mean creepy.

"I am Kar," replied the Chibcha, saluting the great empress. "I have urgent, totally serious news.

Jen blinked, looking even more adorable than usual. Rarely was anything in the Chibcha domain serious and/or sane, and it certainly hadn't previously occurred in this chibi's reign.

"What's the news?" Jen asked, trying to hope for the best. After all, a bishounen might've wandered into their realm, and that too was rare.

"There is an uprising; the Macadamia tribe is attempting a raid on the city!" reported Kar urgently.

"Oh, that?" said Jen, surprised. She scoffed. "That, fellow Chibcha, is no big deal. They are not nearly as adorable as we are, anyway."

"But they have bishoujo!" Dead silence followed. Bishounen and bishoujo were powerful, totally hot spirits that the peoples of the area summoned for battle and worshipped like gods. The power of each simply depended on how many screaming fangirls/fanboys they had.

"Alright...Kar, call the nation and tell 'em to practice looking as adorable as possible," declared Jen, standing up from her throne, an imaginary cape billowing behind her. "And drink lots of Colombian coffee with sugar; we're going to war!"

"Right!" called Kar as he scurried out, his feat making cute walking noises. As the closed the emerald-and-gold-encrusted door behind him, Jen turned to face the golden throne, her right arm raised in the air.

"Bishounen of the Chibcha, I summon thee!" cried Jen. With a small "poof!" sound accompanied by a cloud of smoke, the large room suddenly filled with every kind of bishie imaginable, from every anime ever created.

"Alright, we're going to war!" announced Jen dramatically. There were yells of approval from a few of the bishounen, and applauding soon followed.

"QUIET!!" The bishies obeyed.

"Now," began Jen sweetly, "I must talk to Satoshi-san to discuss the battle plan."

"Why Satoshi?" asked a bishounen who sounded suspiciously like Dark.

"BECAUSE I SAID SO!!" yelled Jen. No one had anything else to say. Not even the crickets.

"Dear God, help me..." whimpered Satoshi as Jen dragged him into another room.


It was high noon in ancient Colombia. Every Chibcha warrior, equipped with a willow branch and coconuts (for sound effects), stood in a battlefield, mist swirling around their half-pint forms. Way in the back of the chibi legion stood the bishounen, looking as glompable as ever, blindfolds strapped over their eyes.

On the far side of the clearing stood the Macadamians, their armor made entirely of macadamia nuts. Of course, they wouldn't be using armor if they didn't know how scary the Chibcha could be. Macadamians tended to be prideful.

A very tall, very scary-looking Macadamian stepped forward, a gnarled staff in his hand, raised high. Again, there was a "poof!" and a cloud of white smoke, and voila! There stood the bishoujo, led by the infamous Lina Inverse.

"Ready..." growled Jen. The Chibcha took fighting stances, coconuts at the ready. The bishoujo began marching forward, all except for Hyatt, who was laying face-down on the ground, most likely dead.

"POSE!!" squealed Jen as the Chibcha suddenly made their faces look as adorable as possible. The bishoujo stopped in their tracks, with coos of "Awwwwww!" All except for one bishoujo, Excel.

"They're so cute...But who cares?!" she yelled as she punched a Chibcha in the face, giving him a bruise that somehow made him even more adorable. Excel stared for a moment, taking in the kawaiiness, and was then assaulted by ten coffee-crazed Chibcha warriors. The rest of the bishoujo were conquered with little opposition, save for a few shouts of "FIREBALL!" and "Eeks!"

The dust cleared, revealing the Chibcha legion standing on a pile of bishoujo bodies, cheering happily. One by one, the unconscious bishoujo disappeared with a tiny "poof", until there wasn't anything else but a lot of chibis with coconuts and their bishounen, who were taking off their blindfolds since the bishoujo were gone.

Silence covered the battlefield. The Macadamians stood, baffled at how quickly their secret weapons had been overcome.

"...Retreat!" someone yelled, and retreat they did, right off into a panther-infested section of the jungle.

"VICTORY!" cheered Jen. The other Chibcha joined in with choruses of "huzzah!", coconuts raised high. As for the bishounen, they quietly watched the Chibcha celebrate, wondering why they were needed in the first place.

Author's Note: The Chibcha were an actual civilization, although what their average height or what their mental states were is anyone's guess. The reason for this story came from a joke: "Chibcha" sounds like "Chibi-chan," which is my friend Lupe's (Lupeness) nickname. As for why I put anime characters in here...I dunno. I was bored...I might add to this, so if you see a second chapter...