Feeling Lost

I feel so lost in this big huge world,

Yet, some days it doesn't seem big enough

For me to be able to run away,

Never to be found again.

I've fought off depression once,

Twice,

Again and again,

But it still keeps coming back,

Haunting me with its choking grip,

Hoping to squeeze whatever's left of me out.

How can I get it to release me from its grip,

Because I've tried to say please,

And I've tried to be polite,

But nothing ever seems to work,

Because I just keep slipping away.

I'm falling deeper and harder this time,

And it's taken me longer to get back up.

I'm afraid that someday my fears won't fade away

And that I won't turn back to my cheery self,

Even if it is only my fa├žade.

I used to mask myself for a day or two at most,

But now days have become weeks,

And weeks have become months,

And now the months have turned into years.

How long must I pursue this so-called perfect future?

Why must I be so different?

Why am I not normal?

-HgBookworm (2/4/05)