OooOOOOO! Teh final chapter! Exciting isn't it?
...I'm happy at least, so I guess that's enough.
Yup...Um... I totally forgot what I was going to say so...nevermind. Read!
A/N ends, and I wander away.
"WHY?!" I screamed, horrified. I mean, come on! Jaan was Raen's best friend!
"Revenge, I dunno," Mom said, and I could just imagine her shrugging. She never made any sense…
"WHY?!" I bawled.
"What's wrong with you now?" Derek wondered, walking out of the kitchen and staring at me.
"MOM SAYS THAT JAAN'S GOING TO KILL RAEN!" I screamed.
Derek sighed, and grabbed the phone from me.
"Hello? Mom. Yes, it's me, Derek. Now what are you going on about?"
Emily, Taeth, Raen, Kaethan, Laura, Baby, and Jaan all walked in, the two youngest being REALLY dirty, and Emily holding Zack's laptop self consciously.
I stared at Jaan, and grabbed onto Derek, who kicked me off, and said, "Yes Mom?"
"WHY DO YOU WANT TO KILL RAEN?!" I hissed, staring at Jaan.
He stared back at me, looking surprised.
"What are you talking about, Quinn?" Raen wondered, looking confused (and princely).
"I- I think she's confused," Jaan said quickly.
Jeez. For being smooth most of the time he actually looked kinda freaked out. HA! …wait
"No she's not," Taeth said, stepping forward, Kaethan following him. "We knew about it."
"What's going on?" Raen asked.
"He's been planning on getting revenge on both Mrs. Loren and you," Taeth said, glaring at Jaan. "Why else do you think I escaped Janaelle and got here?"
There was a long pause, which was broken by Derek, who hung up the phone, and turned towards Jaan. "Sooo… why?"
Jaan looked miffed. "It's not hard, idiots, when you think about it," He snapped, crossing his arms. "In fact, now that I have all of you here nicely, I might as well get this all over with."
With that, he lifted up his hands- I thought he was being overly dramatic- and as always, I could feel him calling up magic.
Now, I mean, this was all kinda freaky, because Jaan was always so POLITE. I mean, he made me waffles! And a secret snack! And he even fought Taeth for me- but Taeth kissed me first. HA! I got kissed!
Wait… must pay attention…
I tried to scratch my nose, but I discovered that I couldn't move… umm… magic! Ugh. Stupid elves! I mean, why do THEY get to be cool and have magic? WHHHHHY?
"Don't look so confused, Prince Raen," Jaan said, back to his usual calm self. "Janaelle and I have been plotting ever since your father and those humans killed our parents. We knew that it was not fair for your family to have the crown- and we certainly weren't going to let the dark elves have it," at this point, he paused to sneer at Taeth and Kaethan, both who also appeared to be frozen.
Sigh. Villains and their stupid monologues….
"Anyway, the two of us had the plan perfectly laid out. First, Janaelle used her spells on the old king, killing him. It was perfect that everyone else thought it was Hataenth who killed him, while it was actually us. Of course, then you had to find out," Jaan muttered, glaring again at Taeth. "We were going to kill Raen once he was crowned king, but then that stupid human adopted him…" At this point, he glared at us Lorens. I tried to glare back, but I'm not exactly sure how effective it was. Anyway, any time now I was going to lose my balance and topple to the floor in an ugly, frozen heap.
"In return for that, Janaelle and I agreed to split up. She would kill the dark elves, while I would take my revenge on the humans. I was very close to killing you twice, Quinn." He stared at me, looking mildly annoyed.
Alright! Let me guess! Now he was going to explain how he almost popped me off! Wow. I was enjoying this a little TOO much.
"First, the waffles that Taeth made, and then secondly the cake that I had prepared for you. Both were poisonous, and you managed to avoid them. I knew that the death of one of that human's children would certainly keep her out of Elf Land and away from Janaelle's and mine plans."
I was SOOO right.
…You know, this was actually a BIT creepy.
"And now," Jaan continued, smiling his panther smile, "I'll be able to dispose of you all right now."
The moment would've been absolutely perfect and evil, and dramatic, but as Jaan turned towards Raen, calling up some of his magic, something huge went whizzing past my head.
Ryan's book smashed into Jaan's head, and the elf instantly toppled over, either unconscious or dead.
"THAT WAS SOOOOOO COOL!" Laura screamed, launching herself at Ryan, who pushed her off him, annoyed.
"EARS!" Baby roared, leaping onto Jaan and tearing off the sleeve of his shirt with his teeth.
The rest of us all turned to look at Ryan, who blinked back at us.
"I do believe that you have saved all of our lives, Ryan," Raen said, sounding surprised, but very grateful.
Ryan blinked again, and then looked down at his book. "My book is ruined," he muttered.
"YOU'RE SO CUTE!" I screeched, and in a very Laura-like fashion wrapped my arms around his neck, probably choking him, but not really caring.
Taeth, meanwhile, kicked Jaan lightly, and said, "he's still alive. I'm sorry, Raen. I tried to tell you, but you didn't believe me."
"I know." Raen looked sad.
Well, I guess that I'd be kinda sad if it turned out that Anne wanted to kill me… wait… she DOES. Um. Never mind. Maybe if Hailey had her heart set on murdering me. That'd make me sad. And creeped out. I mean, nice people just DON'T go around killing their best friends.
Anyway, I was a bit pissed off. I had actually thought that Jaan LIKED me. Ugh. Loser.
I kicked him too, a little harder than Taeth had, just for good measure.
So there you go.
Jaan was packed up in Taeth's coffin to go back to Elf Land, where I'm sure he'd have a grand time sitting around in prison and looking hot.
Ryan started receiving all of these random notes and money from weird elf people who were "Delighted that he stopped the evil forces at work against their people," and he spent it all on stupid stuff like games, and books, and college…
Really. I mean, what about giving money to charity and stuff?
Uhh- not like I'd give it to charity either, but… never mind. I'm not getting anywhere.
Yeah. So. Life kinda quieted down again, and Taeth figured that he didn't really want to go back to Elf Land, and Kaethan appeared to be absolutely infatuated with Emily (What?! I can dream, can't I?!) So he decided to stay too.
Anyway. Apparently elves living on the human side get, like, money from the government or something, and it's like this endless amount of money, so Taeth figured that he'd just buy his own house to live in with his cousin, because he doesn't like Emily bothering him about how wrong it was to have an eyebrow piercing all of the time. We tried to get them to take Baby, but for some reason they declined the offer.
Heh. Sissy elf boys!
Ah well. At least we FINALLY had our house back to ourselves, and save for the random elves appearing and thanking us for getting rid of three pests (Taeth's dad was included a lot during these conversations), life was pretty normal.
I mean, Mom would head off to Elf Land for weeks, Dad would disappear to go fly planes off in the Amazon or something, and I would be stuck looking after the Losers.
"I'm going to invite a bunch of my friends over to watch The Night of the Killer Zombie Accountants from Jupiter so get food-" Derek began, walking into the kitchen.
"NO! You know what happens!" I snapped, glaring over my pot of Macaroni and Cheese at him. "You'll make a HUGE mess, and guess who'll have to clean up after you? ME! I WILL!"
"You'd BETTER let me invite them over!" Derek growled.
"I don't THINK so!" I shouted.
"I'LL CALL YOUR FRIENDS AND TELL THEM WHO YOU LIKE!"
"THEY ALREADY KNOW WHO I LIKE!"
"I'LL CALL THEM ANYWAY!" Derek roared.
"Be QUIET!" Emily hissed, stomping into the kitchen, hands on her hips, her Death Glare on. "Baby's taking a nap! Do you WANT to wake him up?! Do you KNOW what he was DOING before Raen put him to bed? Do you?"
We shook our heads, sending our own 'Get Lost, We're Trying to Argue,' glares towards her.
"He was trying to CLIMB up the house with his TEETH. His TEETH!" Emily screeched as quietly as possible.
I turned away from her, and looked at the macaroni. Ahh.. Cook little noodle! Cook!
I take it that Baby was awake.
It's my curse, I suppose, to put up with them.
"GET AWAY FROM THE MICROWAVE BABY!" Emily screamed.
"You'll be sorry, Quinn!" Derek bellowed.
"Could I help you with anything, Quinn?" Raen asked politely, standing in front of me.
"RYAN! PLAY BARBIES WITH ME!" Laura screeched.
"BOOOOM! HA HA HA HA! SPOONS, QUINNEH! SPOOOONS!" Baby shrieked, jumping out of the microwave and clinging onto my legs lovingly.
"QUINN! I'M HUNGRY!" Laura sobbed, collapsing next to one of the dogs, probably out of all strength. I was actually a bit impressed that she made it this far to the kitchen from the living room.
"Yeah," I said, in response to Raen, who was still standing nearby. "Put Baby in a box and mail it to Taeth and Kaethan."
Raen looked perplexed. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"
DID HE ACTUALLY BELIEVE ME?!
YES! HE DID!
This was great.
In fact, ALL of this was great- save for the fact that I still had stupid school- I mean, who else can boast that they live in a nutso household with two dumb parents, a nutty big brother, an elf for a little brother, and six absolutely INSANE siblings? No one.
So. Moral of the story?
Eagles may soar, sure. I mean, if I was an eagle I'd be all over the place! But weasels, which are actually a lot like ferrets when you think about it, don't EVER get sucked into jet engines.
Yeah, you know it. Weasels kick butt.
A/N: MWA HA HA HA HA!
It's kind of weird, because I'm actually listening to a Britney Spears song right now, and I HATE her…. Strange…
I guess that I'd like to thank those of you who were there reading this thing since the VERY beginning… like…
LIZA LEW! Woot! Chocolate for you! OMG! I'm actually listening to a song called Chocolate now! WOOOOOOOW…right. You're cool
SOPHIE LOWE! Huzzah! My cookie-sister! huggles She's cool, but she doesn't write, so…yeah.
SARAH THE INSANE! WHA HA HA HA! You have a cool name! Yes, thanks to you to, and I'd send you lots of tasty candy if I knew where you lived.
Yuppers. And lastly, to the rest of my favorite people in the world,
…you people are cool.
If there is someone that I have forgotten, I am sorry, and I send you my "I'm sorry, here have an imaginary hug of condolence".
Now, onto a sequel…hmm…
I kind of started one, but it's really not as funny as this. I mean, it's lighthearted still, but it takes place about nine years after this story, and from a different point of view (one of the Loren children, never fear) but I'm not sure how far I'm going to get with it, since it completely lacks even more of a plot than this story, and…yeah. We'll see.
Wow. That whole paragraph was about ONE sentence. I rock.
Yeah. Thus is life.
Farewell for now!
3 Thea Lowe (AKA the Spete-Meister... mwa ha)