A redo of a Inuyasha fanfic I did.
You must understand, I did love you.
I loved you with all my heart.
With all my soul.
I know that you think I am souless, and that such a thing is impossible.
But it isn't.
I am not heartless, you know.
I built my mask out of ice, so that no harm could come to me.
I was scared of children's bedtime stories.
Scared that because they were stories, I could never have something so beautiful
Call me a fool if you like, but that is why I was so cold.
But I had a soul, and I loved you with every single piece of it.
When I kiss you, I touch sky.
I loved that phrase. It was the very first valentine I ever sent you.
It was the only valentine I ever sent you.
My friends thought it was sweet, but it was too true to be sweet to me.
If I had know that this was going to happen, I wouldn't have bothered pouring my heart out to you.
But I am a fool, and as such, I will accept the consequences.
Do you hate me?
Besides you, there was only one thing I ever yearned for.
Something that many yearn for, but find they do not want it.
I know I wanted it.
I know I wanted it more than anything in the world.
I would wake up, sobbing, because I had not truly slept in days, and that small piece of peace that is granted to a human every single night, had been taken from me.
I loved it.
I loved it almost as much as you.
When you finally admitted
I actually think she's weird, acutally. I don't like her that much. She's interesting, and kind of cool, in her own, silent little way, but she's just… plain too weird.
- that you didn't like me,
Maybe not at all,
I didn't have anything left.
When I kiss you, I touch the sky.
Won't you… let me touch the sky?
Not anything, useful.
My talents, few as they were, brought me little joy by then.
All I really wanted was peace.
But the idea that a storybook ending might actually happen to me,
Icy, bitter, weird little me,
I thought it might be worth sticking around for.
Silly little me.
Foolish, dumb, idiotic, naïve.
After everything I hid myself from, after everything I worked hard to learn about so I would be ready with a brick wall of defenses to hit it with…
It was gone.
And my chance for peace was somewhat wasted, you must admit.
There was no more sky.
No more kiss.
No more dream,
No more want,
No more need.
I'd be three times a fool to say it is you fault,
But I'd be ten times worse to say it is mine.
When I jumped off that building's roof
I'm kissing sky.
It was… wonderful.
I was so happy, so incredibly happy that I was finally touching what I had always wanted to touch.
A black place to keep my mind occupied while my spirit disappated to another place where nothing would ever reach it.
Isn't that what everyone really wants, when they want to fly?
I hated it when the insomnia came, because it took away my small chances at peace.
Imagine the pain if I had actually had it as some people do.
I would have died, I'm sure of it.
Not that it changed anything by being able to sleep.
Once I became aware of that peace, once I touched it, I knew that just a little every twenty-four hours would never be enough.
So what did I need you for?
I remember I was always searching for something in your eyes.
Something that didn't exist.
Maybe that impossible storybook ending.
Maybe something else.
I doubt I'll ever know.
I wonder what you thought of that valentine?
When I kiss you, I touch sky.
Was it heartwarming?
Did your chest beat harder for just one beat?
I wonder if you were colder than I could ever be.
You said yourself, I was pretty. I could be beautiful, stunning, at times.
Never once did I see myself as beautiful, stunning, or even pretty. I was odd, not even plain.
Just a face cut up into so many pieces that in so many ways its perfect, and in so many ways, it's the ugliest face a person would ever see.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
When I hit sky,
I thought of you.