Boys Don't Like Me

By Xenilia Poe

Boys don't like me.

I find this slightly ironic because I always got along so much better with my male teachers in grade school than my female ones. Now, you would think that those feelings of plutonic admiration would carry on through the duration of my life, but apparently they haven't.

I have a theory. The main difference between teachers and boys, are that teachers are usually over the legal drinking age, and boys are underdeveloped, pubescent and drink vodka out of old paper bags behind abandoned buildings. Teachers do not usually brag about their sexual exploits, boys do. I have also found that boys are not encouraging or supportive, and they certainly know nothing about western literature.

It might seem a bit creepy that the closest thing I have to a love life is admiration for my seventh grade English teacher. It might also seem pathetic. I like to think it's an individualistic attitude; high standards.

Megan says it's only because I have the words, "Stay the fuck away from me." written in black marker on my forehead. Which isn't intentional, just something natural about my posture and my reserved apprehensiveness. It could even be the way I do my hair. No one seems to be able to identify exactly what it is about my appearance that so boldly screams, "bitch from hell", all they can manage is that it's there, and it stands out.

I get bored easily in class, so I tend to sigh a lot. Who doesn't? Another visible weakness of mine is that I cross my arms in front of my chest. Arm crossing is a very identifiable sub-conscious defense mechanism, but it's not like I thought anyone would notice.

And sure, I've cracked some jokes about cheese grading a couple of penises, and written a poem or two about how men are the degradation of society, but I don't see how that makes me some evil man-hating bitch. I'm just standing up for my rights. I've always been proud of who I am, even if that is a femme-nazi. I fight for myself and other girls; there is nothing wrong with that. I know a lot of grade-A dicks, and someone has to stand up to them, before their heads explode. Everyone else is too intimidated by the status quo. Hell, I like confrontation. It's my specialty.

Isn't the whole point of love that there is someone out there for everyone? Even for femme-nazis?

Now, just because I said that boys don't like me, doesn't mean that I don't like boys.

I tend to have a lot of 'love-hate' relationships. Except that they aren't really relationships per se. I have never actually progressed that far. Except for once freshmen year, for two weeks, my longest and only relationship. Usually I find myself in a continual pattern of self-hatred and man bashing that goes on for months,until I finally give up the dream altogether. Or he moves away, which is what usually happens.

I am my worst enemy in the fact that I always fall in love with the man that I hate the most, or the one that is completely out of reach. And of course, I have tohate a man, for being out of reach. I have never met someone that I would consider good enough for my standards. And sometimes, most times, I don't think that I ever will.

Boys Just don't like me.

Do you want me to continue this?