"femininity crafted burns your fingers but
don't worry dear; wait for the calluses"

Bite Bite you better believe
this sleepless amber soul kaleidoscope i'm in - -
well i never did compose my masterpiece.

clever how i favored jaspers
though;i had always preferred things translucent

Bang Bang baby i shot
that velvet man (always reeked)
of cuban cigars and suicidal moths
so i stood over his body
and i finally had a chance to say - -
i knelt down, so close; murmurs like machetes
cutting through his previously impenetrable cover of sweat yeah i said so sweet:

so when i stripped did you like to
take a look-see at my bones?
did you find my starvation electrifying?

but you paid me enough
so i let you do anything you wanted to me
you paid me enough
so i got down on my hands and my knees

my grandfather taught me
to use whatever i had
he told me, use whatever's in your hand
and that will make you a man.
grandfather, keep in mind…i'm not a man

so when i was sinking
were you salivating?
(did you like my satin and lace breasts my
lollipop mouth?)
were you hypnotized by
the way my shape knelt to the floor
and you said
:don't ya like that?

gave me a few dollars
to pay for the rape
i was watching the ceiling
(the kind with vomit stains up there i suppose
volatile projection is easier
when the little girl still left inside
is screaming at you while her tonsils rip apart-
i said, i said stay there
but she came closer and she screamed - -
the blue of her eyes fading the white rotting leaving
empty eye sockets from which poured
acid blood
and her face was forever disfigured
i told her, i said, i'd told her
stay away; go home.)
trying not to notice you
thinking, maybe there's something more
there must be something more than this - -

but you paid me enough
so i let you do anything you wanted to me
you paid me enough
so i got down on my hands and my knees

well grandpa despite the senility you taught me something valuable
use it. use whatever's in your hand.

Bang Bang baby,
Bang Bang.

maybe not this time.

i can't dream.

she gave me a piano
& said - -

"femininity crafted burns your fingers but
don't worry dear;
wait for the calluses."


to read this poem in it's real format: redrush (dot) net (slash) calluses (dot) txt