Disclaimer: I don't own anything mentioned in here, so don't bug me. Kam

"Once upon a time" has been the beginning of many a great story. Personally, though, I think it is overused. It gets rather cliché. It gives the audience a good idea of what is to come: which is most likely some pretty, perfect princess in trouble who has to get saved by some unnaturally handsome prince and they live happily ever after. Mmhmm. I don't think so. Nope, there will be no princesses to be saved, no dragons, and no strange magical footwear in this story. Prepare to be amazed, shocked, or bored to tears; you choose.

Once upon a time, there lived a 15 year old girl. This girl, let's call her Jane, was pretty normal by most people's standards. She had brown hair and green eyes, and was slightly on the short side. She got mostly A's in school, and she played softball in the spring. She didn't just happen to have some weird powers, nothing abnormal happened randomly around her, and she didn't have a giant family heirloom sword. Having both of her parents, a house, and food on the table, she didn't lead some kind of depressing, sorry, orphaned life. She was just normal Jane.

One fine winter day, as Jane was getting ready for school in the morning, she thought to herself, 'Hey! That Speech Team sure does sound like fun! I think I'll join!' Little did she know that decision would be the beginning of a major series of events, the likes of which have never before been seen. Believe me. I looked it up.

Anyways, Jane decided she would join the Speech Team, so when she got to school, she skipped all the way down to he sign-up board. She was almost there, when she suddenly got a bad feeling. Jane slowly turned around and peered into the dark, dank, dirty corners, looking for what was making her so nervous. She finally spotted him. He was hidden in the shadows, and the only part you could clearly see of him was his luminous menacing eyes. Jane, scared out of her wits and glad she brought a change of underwear, guardedly said, "Hi, I'm Jane! Who are you?" The stranger didn't answer and Jane backed away a bit, wondering why there was nobody else there in school. Suddenly, he stepped out into the light and stared straight at Jane. Her mouth fell open and a puddle of drool started to form around her feet. He was really attractive!

He started to look annoyed. "What are you staring at?"

Jane quickly wiped the drool off her face and replied, "Oh nothing. You had me freaked out for a minute there, standing in the dark like that."

"That was the effect I was going for."


Silence stretched out for a few minutes. Getting bored, Jane turned around and left, just leaving the guy standing there. 'La-lala-lala! I'm going to be on the Speech Team! La-lala-lala…' Jane thought happily as she continued her skipping. Fortunately for her, nobody was really keeping time, so she wasn't yet late for class. She was right n front of the sign-up board. 'Yeah!' she thought happily, 'I'm finally going to be able to use my sparkly pink glitter pen!'

A small light caught her eye. Jane wondered what it was, so she naturally touched it. Too bad she hadn't read her Physics homework. She would have known how to tell the difference between a light and a portal to a different dimension.

Once Jane got to the other dimension, she got scared. She couldn't tell where she was, or how to get out of the forest she had landed in, so she started wandering. After a while, she somewhat forgot she was scared, and started to have fun. She talked to the bees, pet the grass, and took a rest by a small stream. She examined the clothes that had appeared. They seemed to be from the middle ages, so she guessed she went back in time. Oh well. It couldn't be too bad. Jane was just about to go to sleep next to the stream, when she thought she heard music. She got up quickly and walked through the stream next to the bridge to get to the other side. She quietly scrambled through the noisy brush and saw an old, wrinkly man in the clearing near her. She stepped out in front of him to ask him if he knew where this was.

"Jabber wocky, talky talky, the rhythm of the syntax quite… Oh, hello! Didn't see you there! I was just practicing a song I wrote."

"A song you wrote?" Jane asked in disbelief. "Who do you think you are, Lewis Carroll?"

"Why yes, actually, I do. I am the Lewis Carroll, bard extraordinaire, at your service."

"I don't believe you. How do you plan to serve me? And why do you have that name?" Jane asked suspiciously.

"Sheesh, you are the curious one aren't you? Well, let's see…" He dug around in his satchel for a minute. "Ah, here it is. See here? It's my driver's license. See my picture? And my name? See? Lew-is Carr-oll. Oh and here're my old school ID cards, my birth certificate, my death certificate, oh! Here's my Hot Topic frequent buyers card, that's a picture of my mom… Anyways, are you happy now? Do you believe me?"

"Okay, okay, I believe you're Lewis Carroll. By the way, my name is Jane."

"Pleasure to meet you, Lady Jane. Please allow me to share my fire with you."

"Uhh, thanks, I guess."

Jane and Lewis sat down by the fire that had appeared out of nowhere. Jane saw that it was getting dark, so she asked Lewis about how to get back to her dimension.

"Oh, it's really very easy. Just cut the tail off your pet monkey, tie it to a dozen lilies, and close your eyes. When you open them, you'll be back in your world."

"Wow, I wonder why I didn't think of that!" She took out her pet monkey and her mini chainsaw and got the monkey tail. She then went over to the stream and picked some flowers. They were lilies. 'Lucky me' Jane thought. She tied the tail around the lilies, thanked Lewis, grabbed a couple magical rocks that were lying around, closed her eyes, and wished to be home. When she opened them again she knew she was home.

Apparently, the world had been destroyed, and it was currently in a state of nuclear winter, but Jane figured it was about the same as winter normally is in Canada. Even if she didn't live in Canada, but that doesn't really matter, now, does it?

She went to her house, but it wasn't there anymore. There was just a big pile of ash. "Oh well," she said to herself. "I'll just go somewhere else then." So she went to the fortunately undestroyed International House of Pancakes and got some breakfast. She lived out the rest of her short life there, dwelling on speech team, Lewis Carroll, and waffles.