Another doctor
And another dream
And another catastrophe
I am so sorry
I have ruined everything
I ever meant to be
I want to obliterate
I want to stop being "I"
Just for ten minutes

Stop letting the team down
Stop letting the air out
Of my own ideas
One moment, a self-opinion
That Nazi Germany would have died for
The next
A weeping
With drink
And sleep

Come back tomorrow
When I am different
I can do this
And sometimes
I am nothing more
Than infamy
And idiocy
And everything is awful
Beyond compare:
I can weep
And scream
And beat my chest until the bruises come
Every night of the week
If need be

I'm so sick
Of being sick
And so afraid
Of anything else:

Everything has ruined me
And builds me into something more
I sacrifice myself
Day after day
And hour after hour
On the battlefields of friendship
And everywhere
My blood has spilled
And I have lain
And risen again
Against my will:

Do not bother me
With stupidity
And boasting
About something you are not:
I am half and half
And each half of me
Is more than you will ever be
And yet I'm pacing
In a cold sweat.

Everybody knows my name
And who knows yours?
Everybody calls me "fool"
And you are nothing

I have wept
Because of what you are
Because of what you take from me
And I cannot bear
To live with this
But I numb myself
And weep
And sleep
And tomorrow it begins again