You know what I hate? A lot? Quotation mark grammar errors. Just for those of you who care, i hate that.

Here I will proceed in listing some of my most AARGH-ish cases of quotation mark misuse...Just for the pure sake of boredom. Seriously, though, these things make me cringe when I see them.

Case #1:

"Rachael bought some jellybeans because she's a TOTAL prep. Then she choked on them and died and I was happy." she recounted gleefully.

Now, what is wrong with this picture? First off, I do think it would be funny if my sister choked on jellybeans. Maybe not if she was killed, but hey, I like to exaggerate...just... ...no... that much!

But besides that minor exaggeration, there is something that REALLY BUGS ME about this sentence...and it's the period after happy--there should be a COMMA in place of the period.

"Rachael bought some jellybeans because she's a TOTAL prep. Then she choked on them and died and I was happy," she recounted gleefully.

That is how the sentence is supposed to be written. Unfortunately, Rachael has never choked on jellybeans. Or anything BUT soda, maybe when I acted stupid and choked on a LifeSaver. That's a different story, though...

Case #2:

"I love Napoleon Dynamite, but I hate it when someone quotes it because it's redundant and stupid." He said while looking into the lion's mouth.

Okay. This sentence is true of me--I HATE it when someone quotes Napoleon Dynamite in an everyday conversation. Don't get me wrong--I love the movie. It's hilarious. I love it when Napoleon's grandmother falls off of that vehicle at the sand dunes. And when Napoleon's running from Uncle Rico and climbs a fence and falls, like, 6 feet. But that's all off topic. I just think it's so repetitive when people quote the movie.

Connor, I KNOW KIP SAID, "Your mom goes to college," AND I CHUCKLED AT IT BUT I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR THE PHRASE, "Your mom," EVERY OTHER SECOND! Just FYI. And of course, all in good fun.

Oh, and no, I've never looked into a lion's mouth before.

But there's something that bugs me a lot with this sentence, and tons of people have corrected me on it before when the sentence was already correct. BUT NEVER FEAR; PAIGE IS HERE!

"I love Napoleon Dynamite, but I hate it when someone quotes it because it's redundant and stupid," he said while looking into the lion's mouth.

There needs to be a comma in place of the period after stupid and he needs to be lowercase because the quote is basically the beginning of the whole sentence--HE SAID IT.

Case #3:

"You seriously need to try Welch's and," I said. "Taste its refreshing taste with your tastebuds."

I will try not to scream. When you're dividing a sentence like that, you need to finish it. You can't just cut it off and say the first part--"You seriously need to try Welch's and," I said. No, that will not cut it. JOIN THEM WITH A COMMA, DUH!!

"You seriously need to try Welch's and," I said, "taste its refreshing taste with your tastebuds."

Of course, that was probably a bad example sentence, but whatever.

Case #4:

"Did you see the Lion King?" She asked, tearing up at the thought of the touching movie.

I cried at The Lion King, okay. Make fun of me. Call me a baby. Whatever. But Simba was voiced by Jonathan Taylor Thomas--JTT. And JTT was born in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, like me and good ole Daniel Roebuck, who went to highschool with my mom and her sisters. I'm proud of him. JTT, I mean. Okay, and Dan, too...

But most people think that in this sentence, you have to capitalize she because there's a question mark before it, which cuts off the sentence and starts a new one.

There's an oboe on The O.C.!! WHO KNEW?!?! I don't watch it though; my sister does. And someone--some girl was playing it. But it was a Yamaha, and a plastic one, and she wasn't very good at it.

"Did you see the Lion King?" she asked, tearing up at the thought of the touching movie.

The moral is that you don't need to capitalize she just because it's after a question mark.

Case #5:

"I really like Zack!" The girl screamed mercilessly.

If you know me, you know that sentence is about myself...but it's not love yet. Love will come when it comes.

But if you want to know what's wrong with this one, look at Case #4 and change all of the question marks to exclamation points. You don't need to capitalize the just because it's after one of those. It doesn't work that way, chappies!

"I really like Zack!" the girl shouted mercilessly.

And I changed screamed to shouted because I don't typically scream--I shout or I talk so quietly that nobody cares. WOW.

Case #6:

I'm running out of ideas here, so bear with me.

Alexa jumped so high, she touched the sky, and never came back till I said, "it's the fourth of July."

I would be devastated if my little sister jumped up and didn't come back till the fourth of July.

This one's simple: capitalize it's and you're fine. Duh.

Alexa jumped so high, she touched the sky, and never came back till I said, "It's the fourth of July."

Alexa's nine and she's in third grade, and she's really smart. I think I expect her to be really smart and have a higher level of thinking because she acts like my older sister or something. She's constantly acting like the eldest in our family. It's so funny...but mean, sometimes.

Case #7:

I ran through the halls eagerly shouting "I wish chicken was a vegetable" at the top of my lungs.

AUGH! This annoys me--you need to separate the actual sentence from what you said while running through the hallways. And by the way, snarkymuffin said she wished chicken was a vegetable today. So I told her to find a vegetable chicken. She's like, "WHAT?" And I explained, "You know how humans can be vegetables?" She nodded. "Well, find a chicken like that--a vegetable chicken!" She cracked up.

I ran through the halls eagerly shouting, "I wish chicken was a vegetable" at the top of my lungs.

Voila! It's perfect now.

Case #8:

I gave Maloy a funny look, then burst out laughing when she said, "Well, I thought it was funny".

This is the thing that gets me with ALL punctuation with quotes.

One day, at lunch, the school counselor was passing out bookmarks that the library had made, right? Well, I took the bookmark and said, "OH! COOL! A NIFTY BOOKMARK FROM THE LIBRARY! I can mark my book's page with this."

Then I read the bookmark.

"If you can dream it, you can do it".

THIS IS TERRIBLE!! AND COMING FROM A LIBRARY--A PLETHERA OF KNOWLEDGE?!?!?

"If you can dream it, you can do it."

I crossed out the period and inserted it before the quotation marks. The period ALWAYS goes inside the quotation marks. DUH!

I gave Maloy a funny look, then burst out laughing when she said, "Well, I thought it was funny."

I'm turning in for the night. But don't forget grammar. Grammar rocks. And my biggest pet peeves are grammar-related...MAYBE I'LL YELL AT YOU IF YOU READ THIS AND MISUSE THE INFO, EH. WHAT'D'YA THINK OF THAT?

P.S. Thank you, champagnewishes, for pointing my errors out...I typed this on TextEdit and TRIED to bolden the commas, but you can't make bold commas on fictionpress, apparently. So they WERE here in the first draft, but disappeared online.