Boyfriends and Pizza boys
"Damn1" I exclaimed as my nail broke on the car door. My perfectly manicured nails, all ready for graduation, destroyed! This was perfect, just perfect. This whole day had been like this, starting when I stubbed my toe on the way out the door to Jason, my boyfriend to three months cornering my by my locker telling me we should, "see other people."
"It's time we asked ourselves, is this relationship strong enough for us to see other people?" He had said. "Collage is only three months away and I don't want to feel tied down by my past and I'm sure you don't either..."
And after that I just stopped listening. I could feel my eyes glaze over like they do in Pre-Cal. I don't understand why he had to go on for so long though! I mean a simple "let's break up" will do but he had to go on about what a great girl I was.
"Yeah, okay, Jac, you're right…past, like, totally sucks…don't want to be tied down by it…not me…no siree." I had to say finally because if I didn't say anything he wouldn't have gone on long enough to make me late for first period.
I guess he's right, I mean who wants their stupid high school sweetheart to still go out with them in collage. No me, I didn't even like Jason that much. I mean okay he was pretty hot…kind of Paul Walker-ish minus the pathetic Fast and Furious movies and he certainly was a sexy beast in his tux on prom night. And god, the sight of him in those football tights…
Okay, maybe I did like him.
But, obviously I knew that it was just high school romance. I mean I knew better than to get too attached. It was just high school romance...it had to end sometime…better sooner than later. It's not like I was shopping for my wedding dress already or anything. Hahaha. Except that one time…
But I swear I was just looking for a new top and I passed one of those bridal boutiques and their was a really gorgeous one and my mind just sort of drifted into a little fantasy with me in the dress about five pounds slimmer and mom was crying and Jason was there looking all studly on his tux…
Oh god who am I trying to kid? I was in love with him. We were the perfect couple! I was head cheerleader and he was quarterback on the football team. Oh my god, I'll bet that slut Claire got to him! She was always flirting with him, that stupid biotch!
…Okay, deep breath…I can get through this. In just three months I'll be in collage with a ton of new people and…Jason, oh god, Jason is going to the same collage as me. How could I have been so stupid, everyone knows not go to the same school as your boyfriend unless you're getting, well…married. Jesus Christ I'm a retard!
I sighed as I pulled into my driveway. I walked up the stairs into my house.
Hello?" I called as I opened the door. I pressed the blinking light on our answering machine and opened the fridge as my mom's cheerful voice filled the room.
"Hey sweetie, it's mommy. Billy has a basketball game so daddy and I are taking him out to dinner. Daddy said you might want the house to yourself tonight…maybe have Jason over! Such a sweet boy, be sure to invi—"
I quickly turned the answering machine off and my stomach flipped at the thought of having to tell mom that her favorite son-in-law would never be, well, he son-in-law. God my life sucks.
I grabbed the phone and dialed the number for Pizza Hut and turned on the TV. A Smallville marathon was on TV so I settled down on the couch with the phone pressed to my ear listening to Pizza Hut's hold music.
"Hello, this is Amir. May I take your order?" A foreign sounding voice asked.
"Oh, yeah…um I'd like a large hand tossed…no pan pizza with the works, everything except vegetables. And breadsticks and cinnamon sticks." I said all in a rush.
How could I possibly eat all that? I don't know what came over me. I guess I just need to binge and male bash on my own.
"Will that be all?" Amir asked.
"Yes …no, I'd also like…" I continued for fifteen more minutes ordering enough food to feed a hundred girls mourning their stupid boyfriends. Unfortunately Amir drew the line at "swinging by Ben and Jerry's" to pick me up some chunky monkey ice cream.
"I do not 'swing'," He had said, "I will bring you your pizza and that is all."
I settled down to watch Clark save the day (while managing to get his shirt off as much as possible), Lex grow progressively more evil and Lana grow more and more whiny and annoying.
When I doorbell rang I was starved. I jumped off the couch and flung the door open to reveal a surprisingly good-looking Indian guy (not the middle-aged Arab in a turban I was expecting) looking weary laden with bags of food.
"Becky?" He asked.
" That's me, come on in Amir and set the food down." I said.
I guess he was still working on fully grasping the language because instead of coming in he just started thrusting food in my arms looking harassed, "One large pizza, the works, breadsticks, cinna-sticks…" He continued yelling the names of the food he was handing me until he got to the last thing in his arms, which he thrust, at me. "And one…Chunky Monkey." He said in an exasperated voice.
"Um…Amir, I thought you said you wouldn't get this for me." I said raising an eyebrow.
"Yes well, you sound upset on the phone, so I 'swing' by Ben and Jerry's and get you ice cream…Chunky Monkey." He said.
Touched by this unexpected gesture of kindness I felt my eyes filling up with tears, "Thanks so much Amir, that's really sweet. See my boyfriend just broke up with me, so I'm kind of bummed."
Amir looked disgusted, "Men in this country do not know how to treat women. A man would be a fool to break up with a girl like you. I only come here for collage but I don't like this country much. Maybe I go back to India, my homeland."
"Oh, Amir, don't give up on America, it's not bad!" I exclaimed.
"Yes, I suppose you're right…but, the manners are so different here, People so rude! To women, to elders to everyone! And I do not blame them! People rude back! Yesterday I tried to help an elderly woman down the stairs and she beat me off with a handbag and said if I didn't stop 'hitting' on her she get out something called 'pepper spray.' I did not understand, I didn't strike her, what did she mean Becky?" He asked looking so confused I had to giggle.
"Um…Amir, I think she thought you were flirting with her." I laughed.
He looked at me and started laughing too. "Oh, Becky, this is so funny! This woman could not be younger that seventy-five!" He exclaimed wiping tears from his eyes. "America is the strangest country!"
"Yeah, I guess it is, I never thought about that." I said still giggling at the image of Amir getting beaten off with a handbag.
"Oh my, I have kept you from your party, Becky." Amir said looking embarrassed.
"Party?" I asked confused.
Amir glanced at the food and then at me, "Surely, all this food…it must be for a party?"
I laughed, "Oh no, I just am sad, you know, mourning my relationship? Do you understand?"
Amir's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "Um, no I do not. But do not worry this is not the first time I have been confused in this country. But, I have to tell you in India, when we mourn we fast. Now, I must go…Americans get quite impatient when it comes to their pizza. But I must say, it has been a pleasure and may I say, this Jason character is a fool."
"Yes, with my good looks and charm anyone would be a fool to resist me!" I joked.
"Ah, you joke? But this is true, Becky!" He said looking me straight in the eye.
Under that fixed gaze I started to get nervous, "Um…well, let me just get your money." I said reaching into my purse.
"Ah, yes. Your total comes to $50.53. Do not worry about the Chunky Monkey, it is on me." He said with a wink.
"Just consider it a tip." I said thrusting a wad of cash into his hand. "And believe me, Amir, the pleasure was all mine. And if you want to, you know, swing by sometime…" I trailed off, embarrassed. Jesus Christ, I'm so pathetic, inviting the pizza man?
But he smiled warmly at me, "Again with the swinging. I do not understand. But I may stop by sometime."
He touched my hand and left.
I grinned, picturing his face when he realized I had tipped him $200 dollars.
Amir was right; America was kind of a shitty country. If I weren't going away to collage I would totally do some traveling.
I settled down on the couch and opened the pizza box with a yawn. On Smallville Lana was whining to Clark about something.
"Clark, I'm going to Paris for the collage, I got excepted into their fine arts program." She said. I couldn't help noticing she had the biggest ass cold sore I have ever seen on her upper lip. You could tell that the make-up people had tried to cover it up with lip-gloss but nothing could hide that monster. Clark couldn't take his eyes off it when talked to her. Oh, god they're going to kiss! They're going to kiss and he's going to get her freaking herpes…
Wait a minute; did she say she was going to collage in Paris? Oh my god, it makes perfect sense! That's what I'll do! A semester or to abroad! I could go anywhere; there will be the whole damn Atlantic Ocean between Jason and me! I don't know why I didn't think of it before, it's ingenious! I should watch Smallville more often.
Sure I had never thought about Europe before but I mean so what, neither had Lana and she did it! If that stupid, whiny, cold sore infested biotch can do it so can I!