I Need You, Are You Near?

Tired of always wondering why,

Tired of how each day a small part of me will die.

Wanting to waste away in this world of unseeing,

Longing to live instead of simply being.

Can't seem to be more than a spot upon the wall,

Forever shall I be the girl who took the fall.

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Never seems like anyone truly cares,

Each day receiving nothing but leering and stares.

This season seems to be stretching too thin,

Haunting memories whisper of how I should mark my skin.

Even in the growing crowd I somehow still feel alone,

The shadows within me have stretched and grown.

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Wake me up when all this ends,

Wake me up when enemies are once again friends,

Not a moment after or a moment before,

My heart doesn't deserve another permanent, everlasting sore.

I want to lay me down in sleep until the hurt and pain passes by,

Can't lie and tell you all I don't want to die.

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Why though? What is causing all this pain?

What in the end, will it ever gain?

What is it I truly, honestly need?

Why does my heart once again break and bleed?

Don't I have everything I could ever ask for?

Or do I subconsciously long for something more?

I have compassion, I have love

Both from my sweetheart and the One Above.

Why then, does it feel like it isn't enough?

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As I sit here,

Can't help but shed a dark and painful tear

For a sorrow I can't seem to grasp or understand,

Feeling so lost in the Devil's own land,

Wanting out, but can't see the light,

Feeling too weak to even stand up and fight.

Everything around me seems dead and forlorn,

My soul is battered, ripped, and overly worn.

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Someone get me out of here,

Away from this misery and fear,

Save me from another year of hardship,

Give me not agony, but honest friendship,

For that is what I long for with all my bleeding heart,

Before I break away and drift so far apart.

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God,

Jesus,

Mother,

Father,

Brother,

Sister,

Darling,

Friend,

Won't you hand me a Kleenex to stop my crying?

Save me, I feel as though I'm dying.

Help me, I don't have the energy to fly,

Or even the will to try,

I need you here with me,

Need you here to help me See.

3/11/05