It's not my fault my voice is so blasted quiet!!!

I need to put myself back on the map...so I'll go right on ahead and do so.

Today, I was on the phone with my friend josh. I'm SO MEAN to him sometimes, but he's smart and older than me...more mature...so he can deal. Well, out of the blue, he started talking about my ego.

Now, I'm pretty shy (despite how outgoing my voice is in writing). I'm the shyest of my friends, actually. See, I don't talk unless I feel like I can contribute to a conversation, whereas most people I know just throw in whatever they're thinking without really considering how it could contribute to the conversation. That's why I don't talk much--I think about completely irrelevant things that are interesting but can't contribute to the conversations I'm in most of the time. There are only some people with whom I share my brain.

Also, I'm really...oh, how do they put it? Oh, yeah...nice. I'm not nice. I compliment people because that's what I do. And I loan out pencils and paper because people need them. People keep saying "I love you" just because I loan them stuff. Currently, let's see...April, Stephen, and maybe Kelly in Geometry love me. Um...several people in my Health class love me...I KNOW people in my band class love me...and in Extended Study, too. It's a hard thing to love me. I'm too shy for a lot of people. But niceness? I lend things out, but isn't nice, like, really sweet and complimentary? I'm not too sweet. I'm not even a little romantic. I can flirt, I guess...but nice? I'm not so nice. I tell people I am. I'm like, "I'm so nice." They snort and mumble under their breath. That's after I unintentionally dis them...

As for my ego...I'm smart. I KNOW I'm smart. I got some of the highest PSAT scores in the county. I have one of the highest GPAs in the school. I get the highest grades. I was in the IB program and I survived all the way through eighth grade. That has to say something about me. Plus, I'm in honors classes.

Pretty...gosh, I'm so pretty, I could kill Venus by making her jealous. Just kidding! First off, I'm Christian. But if Venus did exist, then...yeah. No offense to those of you who might believe in her! Just...I don't. That's why I'm using her as my example. And I'm using sarcasm here, too, meaning I'm not THAT pretty.

So my ego's big...I am the shy kid at the back of the room who's smart, but nobody listens to ME because I'm "just" the shy one. Just..yeah right...if they got to know me, they'd be begging me for answers. The preps would file in like ants under me. And my friends would all be at the top of the food chain. With me. I'm that generous. I'm generous, not nice.

I let kids have problems and let them do all the work to figure them out. But I have the answers most of the time, and they just don't think to ask me. MUAHAHAHA! Not like I'd tell them. Some dumb prep yelled out the other day in science, "WHAT'S SOIL CREEP? ANYONE?" I was thinking, If you took notes, you'd know, bimbo! Didn't say it, though. And then she kept talking to her friends. Shallowness...

There goes my ego again...

As for people who love me, how can't they? I'm just kidding; plenty of people don't love me. But I never fight with anyone, so how can anyone hate me? That's my philosophy. See both views, don't create any waves, and you'll live. SOMETIMES, it's better to make waves and suffer. But I really can't swim, so waves would hurt a lot. That would be the end of life as I know it.

I wish, though, that I could use my ego to improve my personality and make me more outgoing and lovable and sweeter so I could spread my ideas. Nobody would listen to my crap now. I'm too shy. If I make a joke, nobody's sure whether to laugh at it or not. I'm too serious most of the time in school. When I'm with my friends, though, I can let loose and they will laugh at me. Let my humor loose, mind you. DUH. Perverts..

But funny...I can be very, very funny when I'm confident, at home, and when I feel like it. Today, Rachael and I got into a giggling fit about lollipops. I don't know why. I probably hit her with a lollipop or something and she laughed hysterically. That was hilarious, though I forget why, exactly...

I guess my ego and my wit make me a good blog writer. I could ramble all day. I just wish I could do that on a normal basis...I'll do that tomorrow. Talk all day.

I've never lost my voice before. Always wanted to. Guess I don't talk enough, either. I WILL, THOUGH! PAIGE C. SHALL BE AVENGED!!