I don't expect
A change
In anything
I never expect
At all

It's always too late
To redeem any kind of hope
Unless you're shivering
With anger
And hating everything you've ever done
And nothing is ever good enough
To be totally awful
Everyone talks
And shrieks
And you just want to hide away

I'm so afraid
That I will never sleep again
That I may never drink again
I hope that I am dead by morning
This is the lowest
For a few minutes
Is impossible

So damned horrified
By this numbness
So desolate
So artificial
I cannot explain
Why I am so impartial
When I am burning

So much noise
Noise of battle
And I am trying to die
And I will never die
And somewhere there's a special hell for me
Where I'll remain alive
And numb
And horrified
By the emptiness

I hope I never cry again
I don't think I have the energy
I'm twitching
And I am melancholy
And my words are mediocre
And my mind is filled with anything
And everything
And nothing
Don't you notice
How my eyes are blank
When I look at you
I don't want to see anything there
So I look away
And I see you as invisible
And indivisible
Unlike me

I need some time to breathe
And this hand needs to move from around my neck
And this knife from my chest
And this lighter-heated
Needs to burrow out of my skin
And sometime soon I need to drink
Before I collapse

Ruin me
And if you ruin me
Then I won't have to be repaired
And I won't have to worry
And I won't have to try to emulate
Someone else
I wash my hands
Of everything
I never was
And never want to be
I have to try to find something
To emulate

I'm sick and shaking
I really need some solitude
But if I stay with myself
I'll go insane
And start beating myself
Start hanging myself
From the rafters
But I am too afraid
And there is something I've not yet stamped out
That cries out "Live!"
But why?

I don't begrudge a single piece of good luck
That comes your way
Because good luck
Stops me writing well
And makes me write like this: what good luck
Came my way
To make me act like this?

I'll give you my word of honour
If it makes any sense at all
You seem hell-bent
On making me suffer
By removing my personality
And keeping it locked away
Inside me
I don't want to be a prison cell
I don't want this at all

I cannot bear to beat this out of myself
My breath is shallow
And my words are aching
Not to be read
But I need to say
What I am saying now:

I tell you I am fine.
Please don't ask any more.