First off...This was a school assignment, we had to make up a story with the same basis as the Midas touch, only we would make up the touch. Second, this is left-leaning, and Bush-hating, so please don't flame me about that, flame for grammer or something.


Eski's Touch

"I think they're idiots."

Today had been a long day and it was the last period of school and I was stuck listening to two people talking about the Bush administration. They had no clue what they were talking about and were just saying different things that they had heard from other people. They kept saying how Bush was so cool for going to war and freeing the Iraqi's. I was fed up so I simply said what was on my mind. Big mistake.

"People think the Bush administration is so smart, but really Bush doesn't even have control, he's too stupid. The war was baseless; they said we went because of weapons of mass destruction, which there was none of. We were lied to by the government and no one cares! The country voted him as president again! Other countries are laughing at us. Plus every time he makes a mistake no one notices…We had a chance to help save the ozone but the government said no."

The two of them stared at me like I had spent the entire time ranting in monkey. I yelled at them "Did you hear me?" More staring. I grumbled to myself, "Apparently not."

I was feeling depressed, the country was being led by a man who only had half of the population on his side. The democrats were losing ground because they couldn't stand together; our basic rights were being trampled on and my state had voted an Austrian body builder into governorship. It had been a bad day.

The bell rang and I slowly started putting my books into my backpack. As I slipped the last piece of paper into the bag, I heard a creaking noise. All of a sudden the desk collapsed with a loud crash. On my foot, with a loud crash, the desk collapsed…on my foot. I stood there with the pieces of my desk and my 20-pound backpack on my foot. My teacher walked up and said, "I would help you, but they only pay me to work for six hours." And then she walked away. I didn't blame her. I blame the government, who instead of spending money on schools to get new things, such as desks, had spent it on stupid wars. I limped home.

As I walked up to my house, I noticed an "inconspicuous" black SUV, a hummer in fact, in front. A bumper sticker on the back read, "What would Jesus do?" I thought to myself, "Dear god, a republican." I might have been stereo-typing…but it I couldn't be to sure. I went inside my house.

Two strange men with matching suites, sunglasses, and wires going to their ears were sitting in my living room. I screamed, "MOOOOOM!" They both got up at the same time and one said "Calm down Miss Orsin, we're F.U.C. M." while waving a badge in front of me. I snorted, and said, "You're…F.U.C…M?, What the heck is that and why are you in my house and I am SO calling the cops." They stared at me and then said "It means the Federal Ultra Conservative Men…of the United States. We can legally be here because of the Patriot Act. I gulped and said "Oh, am I a suspected terrorist now?" Strange man #1 said back "No, You showed common sense." I waited for the punch line. He continued on, "You aren't showing blind faith in your government"

This was getting weird and I felt slightly ill at ease. We stood there for about ten minutes staring at each other. Then all of a sudden Strange guy #2 said "It's done" and headed for the door, I yelled at his back, "What's done?!" He turned around and said to me, "You were just exposed to a new kind of drug, now whatever you touch will turn into a Neo-conservative Republican." I stood there and then fell to my knees, and said "Oh crap."

Somewhere, miles away, a man bearing close resemblance to a chimp was sitting in a small closet staring at a t.v. screen. He said over his back to a mean grumpy looking man, "We showed her huh? She really misunderestimated me." The grumpy man just nodded slowly and smiled to himself.