A Twisted Fairy Tale

Part IV

When Snow White woke up, she was surrounded by seven very short people in business suits carrying briefcases. She shook her head and blinked her eyes. "Oh," she said, "You must be dwarves!"

They started muttering. "We are vertically-challenged persons," said one of them.

"And we're lawyers," another piped up.

"So we could sue you for calling us that," said yet another.

They all nodded at that.

"We could also sue you for trespassing."

There was another nod of consensus.

"Do you think we could somehow wedge a dramatized racial discrimination charge in there too?"

"That's an old favorite."

"Hold on there. We're in the middle of medieval England here. We're all Caucasian."

"He does have a point, you know."

Now there was a thoughtful nod from everyone except Snow White, who was feeling confused.

"Well, come along now," said one of the "vertically-challenged persons" as he took her by the wrist and lead her out the door as the rest of the short lawyers mobbed around her, muttering about money, court, money, judges, money, defendants, money, charges, and money. Now Snow White wasn't just confused, she was extremely bewildered and a bit afraid.

"Daphne!" she called out, "Could you help me?"

The horse whinnied, but to no avail because all she had were her hooves, and she was loathe to harm anyone.

Now all the lawyers were murmuring in a slightly stronger tone. "Sue for every cent, sue for every cent!" The fact that there weren't any cents yet didn't seem to bother them at all.

"Oh dear." The girl cried out frantically, "Help, help! Could anyone please help?"

Then, at the edge of the clearing, the help she'd been calling for arrived in the form of a handsome prince on his gray stallion. The prince had brown eyes and hair, looked strong, and was dressed in quietly elegant clothes. For Snow White, it was love at first sight.

His horse was a magnificent creature, large as a draft horse, but with fine-boned features and a lustrous coat. For Daphne, it was love at first sight.

"Fair maiden, what is troubling you?" he asked her. After she told him what had happened, he inquired, "How old are you?"

"Sixteen," she replied.

"Good. That makes it easy to help you. If you were eighteen, then it might have been difficult." Then turning to the excited lawyers, he said, "You can't sue her. She's a minor."

They were very upset. "What about a legal guardian? Who's the legal guardian?"

Now Snow White caught on. "I have a stepmother who lives in a castle over there. You can't miss it." She pointed out the direction for them, and they immediately started out.

Later it was discovered that they had sued the queen for every cent she owned (never caring that cents still hadn't been invented) and won. This was probably due to the fact that they were the only lawyers at the time.

After they were out of sight, Snow White thanked the prince shyly. He blushed. "It was nothing," he said. "Perhaps, seeing as you can't go home, you'd like to come over to my castle? I'm sure dad won't mind letting you stay in one of the guest rooms. We have twenty-seven of them."

"Why, I'd love to."

Eventually, the fairest maiden of all and the most handsome man ever got married, as did the prettiest mare of all and the most magnificent stallion ever, and they all lived happily ever after.

The End