I feel you ripping out my heart,

Every time you look at me then past me,

But I still sit there for that brief connection,

And fell an old friendship left to rot,

In the attics and cellars of our psyche's.

Just a split second in your eyes,

And your back with me in out past,

Wishing with all our hearts what this will last,

Back lying in my room close together and warm,

With that music playing and talking,

With the only other two people in the world,

And I see you napping in my arms,

On the floor,

Even though the comfort of my bed is available,

And yet we choose the familiarity of the floor,

And the itch of the carpet.

I remember the trust you gave me,

Leaving your journal on my bed,

Open for me to read and to build a map of your head,

Of the syllables and letters on the page,

Forged in your mind and one of a kind,

And then those childish conversations on the internet,

Where I spoke of love that I now realize was just admiration,

And a desire to be around someone like you,

So strong minded and different,

A leader instead of a follower,

And a friend that I connected with like no one else.

But then your eyes slip away from my own,

And my heart along with them,

Freshly rebuilt with your gaze,

Then destroyed just as quickly,

And I know all this was just in my head.