Ember

I've burned your pictures
Erased you from my contacts, doll.
Deleted all your e-mails
Told your friends to stop talking to the wall.
Killed off all feelings on purpose
Destroyed your rep without regret.
Rued the day I asked you out.
Banished you to the depths of forget.

But as of late,
I've been dreaming about you
Without the need to kill you
And more of the need to hold you.
And sometimes I wake up in the morning
With more than just a crick in the neck.
I've heard about you from the friends you have left
Harping about how you still think I'm good.
I should laugh at how you thought I was good
When I wasn't good enough to last,
But instead I'm intrigued of how you think that
After what I've done to get rid of you.
I've been thinking about you
And this means everything,
From the point I remember when I still had a heart
To the point where your ass had to fall apart.
It's becoming easier to remember these things
And better to embrace them.

Even more of a shocker,
When you're mentioned, I don't shout "fucking bitch"
I reply with "whoa, she's ain't that bad."
If I see a picture of you I haven't destroyed
I suddenly feel warm inside.
Whenever I see your name on AIM,
I get the urge to pour out to you.
When I make love to someone else,
Somehow you're still on top.

Why the hell do I feel this way?
Why can't I make you go away?
Why can't you go back to rotting in the hole I put you in?
Why am I remembering something worse than sin?
I'm supposed to hate you, bitch!
Supposed to move on without a hitch!
Supposed to not love you anymore
How could I even love you, whore?
I'm supposed to rue the day I met you and hope you die by whom you confide,
But at the same time... I still want you by my side...