Love, in a Box 03

The knight and his hag

………. Point of view switch: The Knight ……..

Well, this was just great. I, Landon Agapios am stuck in a box! Not that I'm unacquainted with the situation. On the contrary, I'm in boxes all the time. It's my job, after all. My problem was I've been in here for hours! Usually I'm put in, delivered right away and then ripped open but some eager, excited, beautiful maiden… and then I do my job. And oh, what a lovely job it is! It's good to be back in the business, you know… if I could only get this friggin' box open!

I shifted in the cardboard, frustrated. I'm not a happy camper anymore. It was hot in here, and I have a leg cramp! Do you know how painful those things are? Sure this box was six and a half feet tall, but I'm 6'3! This was not right. I had prepared for this client and everything! Although… I didn't need to prep myself in looks too much. I'm naturally handsome. Not to brag or anything, but I could have every woman on earth falling at my feet, I was so handsome.

What? You don't believe me? Fine, just watch when this client opens the box. You'll see that I was in fact MADE for love.

You should see me. I've been told that I'm phenomenal. My blonde hair that reaches just about to my shoulders was shiny, straight, and so silky that just running their hands through the smooth tresses enchanted every maiden. My green, vibrant eyes could practically glow in the dark, and my figure was strong and lean, like the knight I was. Right now, I was clad in chain mail armor. I had the choice to stick with the other type of armor, but it's too much of a challenge to move and that stuff. I'd get even more cramps, and I don't like cramps. They're evil.

Speaking of evil camps and boxes… why am I not out yet!?

Bug, this was annoying. She's lucky I'm looking forward to her.

It was my understanding that this client was given a free order, which was very rare, so I had a feeling that she was one hell of a woman to receive this gift… the gift that is I. I frowned suddenly. How could she enjoy her gift if it was still in the box? Did she not how to open boxes? How could one not know how to open boxes? She had arms, right? Oh goddess what if she didn't have arms?!

It's okay Landon, I told myself, as I do often. (Talk to myself, that is) Of course she has arms. Maybe she's just stupid. Yes… pretty and stupid. That was a lovely combination.

And now, to get out of the box! If she wasn't going to do it, than I would. Although, I'd make her pay for not opening it up like she's supposed to. Yes, make her pay by fixing this bloody cramp! Now… how do I get out? Oh! I know! I have a sword. Haha… I'm genius. Oh no, wait. It would be a real challenge to take my sword out with such a small amount of space.

Tickle brain.

Taking a deep breath I squished myself into a corner of the box –if it could qualify as a corner- and reached for my sword. I shifted positions constantly, the box moving along with me as my sword slowly slipped out. Halfway through slipping out of the sheath it became stuck by lack of space.

"Hare brained box!" I cursed loudly; very aware that I was insulting a box like it was incompetent human being. I shook my head sadly. Goddess, look what I've become. I didn't let my momentary lack on confidence get to me though. I would escape this wretched cardboard if it were the last thing I did!

Gathering every ounce of effort I had I shifted, turned, wiggled, jumped and danced until my sword was finally free. Grinning to myself I felt excitement rushed through me, for my newest fair lady. With great enthusiasm I stuck the sword through the box and carefully slid and sawed down. I dragged my sword down to the very bottom of the card bored and the up again to create a hole, slipping through the cut with great relief. I was ready.

I looked around my surroundings, my senses first catching bright lights on the ceiling. Hmm…Very strange, seeing as how I was IN SIDE somewhere. And what was with these pale blue walls, anyways? The only walls in all my twelve hundred years of existence have been a stony gray or just… wood. My eyes wondered further and I caught the glimpse of a vision, and no, not as in 'beautiful maiden' vision that I was hoping for. I mean VISION. It was rectangular shaped with moving human figures; so vivid it was almost real.

… it wasn't real, right?

I began to panic. What in Aphrodite's name is going on here?

And where the varlet is my maiden! I have some serious wooing to do here… and cramp healing.

I soon had my answer when my ears twitched, picking up a panicking whimper. Shifting my gaze, and my breath eyes landed on a foul sight. Before me, cowering against the wall was a woman in a strange black dress; her long black hair completely covering what I suspected was a scarred, warted face.

I narrowed my gaze. I knew what that thing was doing here. SHE STOLE MY CLIENT! No wonder I was stuck in the box for so long. She was going to pay!

With my accusations in order I acted immediately before the creature had a chance to violate me – only my maiden was to violate me. Raising my sword I bellowed, "Stand down you hag and give me thy maiden!"

The hag lifted her head, brown eyes firing me down through the curtain of black snakes. Her smoldering gaze quickly took me back a step. Even in a frightened state she had power to kill. I hesitated no further, swinging my sword in her direction. She squeaked and shifted to the side quickly, pushing herself off into a sprint. I chased right after her, cramp and all.

"You shall not escape me!" I declared, swinging my sword and watching my step as she aimlessly threw things behind her in hopes to make me trip. I didn't, of course, despite my cramp that made me limp slightly. Being oh so graceful I leapt over those things gloriously, and painfully. I'd better get a big thanks for this after I save my beauty. "Release thy maiden! I know you have her!"

For the first time, the creature spoke to me in a shrilling, wretched way. "What the FUCK are you talking about? Get away from me!"

Did you hear that? She Did NOT just speak to me like that. NO ONE speaks to a nobel knight as I in such words. I should have her head!

"You shall not speak to me in that way, hag," I huffed, ego bruised visibly.

"I'M NOT A HAG!" she roared, her voice less powerful with her ragged breath as she continued to run. Haha, she's tiring out. I'm going to win and- ow, my cramp!

I ignored her comment and my cramp, carrying on with my dignified lecture, still chancing her as she threw strange objects at me. "I refuse to be raped by your foul tongue, you pigeon-livered- ohmf"

My words where cut off roughly when an object introduced itself to my face. I stumbled back momentarily, beautiful stars cursing me. "Hey!" I yelled, pointing a finger at her incredulously. "That was my head!"

She looked at me as if I was an idiot –which I am not- muttered something under her breath and ran off again… still chucking objects. I hastily dodged a large one that shattered against the wall.

Oh for crying out loud! Did she have to run and throw things at the same time? I've still got my cramp here, you know, and it's perfectly apparent. I suppose psycho witch did not realize there were attacks other than throwing.

Well, I'd show her. It's not like I've never slayed a witch before. Well… actually I haven't. But she doesn't need to know that. And if you tell… I'll just slay you to.

In a lightning stride, my long legs sped up after her, gaining ground. She continued to look back franticly, objects flying. Soon she climbed up carpeted stairs with me hot on her trial. I stretched out an arm as she pathetically slowed down and grabbed her shoulder, lifting my sword.

Ah ha! Victory! I'm going to win!

…Or so I thought I was. Just when I swung my sword down the sneaky little she-devil twisted her self around, pulled something out of her dress and cast a vile, devil blessed spell at me, smothering my face. I stumbled back and dropped my sword, holding my face in agony.

"Ah! My eyes!" I howled, the painfully aware of the sting. I was going to be scarred! I knew it. My face was going to have boils on it and be an exact replica of hers. "I'm going to get you, you… you Paltry Lily-Livered Popinjay!"

I found my threat very real, so felt very insulted when she laughed at me.

"Idiot," she snickered.

I gritted my teeth at her comment. "I'll have you know," I growled, my arms reaching out to search for her and strangle her wrinkly neck. I heard more glass brake when I hit something. "That my intelligence surpasses most humans."

She laughed harder. Big mistake. I could tell exactly where she was, that harsh laugh directing me, and dived in that direction. I heard her scream as I landed on something soft that strangely smelled like lavender. Funny, I don't remember a hag ever smelling that pretty. Did I really catch her?

"Get off of me!" she screamed, right in my ear. OWWW that hurt! I felt her shift and my hands went flying to grab her, eyes still closed tightly, unaware of what I was touching. I knew one hand held her arm, while the other wondering around aimlessly, hunting for her neck in hopes to strangle it. I grabbed something that felt strangely familiar, and wondered what it was. My hand shifted more, the softness of it drifting back and it suddenly it hit me.

"What the hell? Are you… fondling me!?" The witch cried, smacking my hand away.

I stiffened, my face turning pallid. Oh GODDESS! I pushed my self off her in horror, running around in circles as I panicked, still blind. I just felt up a witch! Aphrodite was going to destroy me herself for this! Dear goddess I'm going to chop off this hand right now! … EWW!

It's okay Landon. Just kill the foul spoken monster and find the maiden!

Luckily, I didn't need to find her again. She was already smacking me. 'oh yay, go me.' I cheered silently, sarcasm evident in my head. "Get out of my house you crazy pervert!"

I quickly caught her arms and held them down. "Not until I save my maiden!"

"Err!" She growled, releasing one of her hands and moving around. I tried to stop her, her form still unseen tome, but before I could do anything I felt cold metal against my neck.

Oh shit, my sword.

This was not good.

"Now listen here, you Dungeons and Dragons, psycho freak. I'm going to give you one chance to leave here with out a scratch."

I blinked and swallowed hard, my vision slowly coming back.

"I'm not leaving," I told the blurry figure firmly.

I could make out a scowl as she moved the sword from my neck to my arm. "Fine!" She took a swing just as I moved, but it was too late for me. The sword came down to my arm and-

"Stop this! Stop this right now!"

The hag and I both froze, forcefully. I let out a relieved breath. I could recognize that nasally voice anywhere. Turning my gaze to the stairs a pimply adolescent in a white dress suit stood, his demeanor panicked.

"How now, Harold," I greeted. "Nice of you to finally bless your presence."

Harold sheepishly muttered. "Yeah… well I didn't think that your first day back was going to be this chaotic."

"Heart Boy," the hag snapped, irritably. "What the hell are you and Dungeons and Dragons man doing in my house?"

"Nice to see you too, Eaven." Harold replied, making his way down the stairs. "It's wonderful to know I'm not the only one you attack with pepper spray."

Wait a minute… the hag was named Eaven? That's not right. Eaven's a name of beauty, not of the vile.

"Look, cut the polite crap." The hag ordered. I winced. Couldn't she speak a bit more civil? "I thought I told you last week I didn't want anything to do with your 'Love, in a box.'"

Nodding, Harold frowned. "Yes, I know. But I thought once you got your order you'd change your mind."

Order? Hags are not allowed to order Love, in a box. What's he talking about. "Harold." I said sharply. "Where's thy maiden? I have a cramp to fix!"

Biting his lip, Harold's eyes shifted between the hag and me. Oh goddess… I didn't like that look on his face. "Well… erm… she's holding your sword at the moment."

….

Silence, then:

"WHAT!?" I bellowed finally. My face turned red in utter frustration. "WHAT DOES THOU MEAN THY MAIDEN IS HOLDING THY SWORD?!" I pointed to the thing that really was holding my sword at the moment. "Does thou not see that there? That's holding my sword!"

"For the last time," the witch rumbled, holding my sword in the air. "I'm not a HAG!" She then slashed my arm, creating a scratch on my skin through the chain mail..

My face darkened. She just marked my perfect sink with MY sword!

Oh, dear Aphrodite. Someone was going to die.

Harold seemed to realize this too, for he covered his face and groaned, "here we go again."

I lunged at the witch, taking hold my sword. "You Bubble, Whey-Face, Horse-Drenched Boil! Give thou back my sword!"

"Maybe if you stopped taking gibberish, attacking me and calling me hag I'd give it to you!" She hollered. I pursed my lips, having enough. I didn't like taking advantage of my power, but when you pissed me off I wasn't going to let things go. With a simple tug I used my strength and pulled it out of her hands, effortlessly. She stumbled back in shock.

Ah ha! Victory was finally mine. Now I could rid the world of evil hags who steel maidens… and rid it of cats too. I don't like cats; they're just as evil. Did you know that they-

Hey, wait a minute. Why is my sword not in MY HAND anymore?

Glowering, I looked around to find Harold smirking at me, my sword in hand. Err… That dork took my sword!

"Harold!" I hissed.

"Landon." He grinned, directing his hand towards the hag. "Allow me to introduce you to your newest client, Eaven."

I looked at him like the idiot he was. "What do you mean? That's-"

"Eaven." He interrupted in false correction.

My head was spinning. This was not happening. Eaven was the hag. Where was the maiden? I needed this cramp fixed! "No," I corrected fiercely. "That's the hag!"

"No!" Harold cried. "She's not a hag!"

I snorted. "Have you looked at her?"

"Have you?" he retorted. "Have you actually looked at her face?"

Have I acutely looked at her face? Oh coarse I have! What kind of fool did he take me for? Just to prove him wrong, I smiled smugly and turned to the witch and her hairy face, my smile wiping off immediately.

I did a double take.

Holy cow dung.

What. Happened. To. The. Boils?

There were No boils on her face. Or scars. Or warts. Or wrinkles. She looked… youthful. I tilted my head to the side, studding further. Her pale face was smooth and clear, heart shaped and haunted with rosy lips and a button nose. The only thing that unnerved me was her glaring brown eyes and the scowl possessing her features, stealing her beauty that sadly had so much potential. I tried to analyze her figure but sadly her baggy dress hid it from my eyes.

Well… she certainly didn't look like a witch. So what was with all of these enchanting objects and that spell she cast?

I turned to Harold who was now bouncing excitedly, enjoying my confusion. The Cream-Faced, Mad wag boy.

"You see? She's your maiden."

"I am no ones maiden," Eaven stomped. "I want you both out of here now!"

"Sorry Eaven," Harold said. "But you ordered him. He can't leave."

"What!" She shrieked. "I never ordered anything. I just helped you stand up in your fucking heart box and you offered an order. I declined, remember?"

Harold stared at her blankly. "I thought you weren't serious."

"I was."

"Well… I knew once you got your order you'd change you mind." Harold persisted hopefully.

Eaven just looked ready to kill.

. Back to Eaven's Point of view…..

Some one… is going to die!

And I have good reasons to threaten lives today. It's not just like yesterday when Tyler pointed out a little stain in my T-shirt and poked and area near my chest to instruct me where to look. Oh no, children. This was much, much worse.

First some Dungeons and Drags freak dressed as a knight comes out of a giant box, chances me around the house calling me a hag with an English accent, has the fucking nerve to fondle me, and then Heart Boy from last week comes waltzing in telling me that Knight Boy is what I ordered?

Is that what love in a box is? Getting chased around by a maniac in chain mail?! Who would come up with such a thing? They were obviously smoking something when they came up with such a STUPID idea.

God, this is so ridicules! Why haven't they left yet? Ugh. I must be softening, it always happens when I'm lost. I narrowed my gaze at them. They did this on purpose for that, didn't they!? "Get out," I ordered, standing tall to show superiority, pointing to the door. "Get out now!"

They didn't take my order though, much to my frustration. Heart Boy sighed dramatically, looking determinedly at me. "You don't understand. He can't leave you. He's your Agapios, for the next six months, it's in the contract."

"Contract?" I repeated. I let out a rather psychotic laugh and demanded, "What contract? And what the hell do you mean by Agapios?"

Heart Boy winced at the sharpness of my voice, as did Knight Boy. "The contract that says he's at your service for six months."

Clenching my fists I grounded out. "At my service? I don't understand."

"Than let me explain."

"Fine!" I snapped, waving my hands in the air, angrily as I spoke. "Explain to me, oh Heart Boy, why Knight Freak has been chasing me around my house. Explain to me, oh dear Heart Boy, why he's supposedly my Agapios for the next six months."

"He's yours," Heart boy said slowly, choosing the right words. Yeah, and they better be good words, if he wants his butt un-bruised when he leaves, and eyes clear as day. "Because he is a Agapios."

Hmm, well, that's nice. I looks like he won't make it out of this house safely. "That was a lovely, explanation, really." I said, my voice oozing with sarcasm, preparing for attack.

"Halt your embossed, wasp-stung tongue, Eaven, and allow him to go further." Knight boy ordered, irritated, although I don't know why he was. He wasn't the one who had a nut case chancing him around with a sword. He was that nut case. … and why the hell is he still talking like that? He's like one of those annoying kids in drama who think it's cool to speak like Shakespeare poorly.

Though my anger grew at that, his rather random comment befuddled me to know end. My eyebrows furrowed and I demanded harshly, "What did you just say?"

"He said that you have a lovely tongue," Heart Boy jumped in quickly, letting out a nervous laugh. "Yes, it's very pretty. Now, as I was saying he is a Agapios."

Ignoring my inner turmoil of the Knight's comment on my tongue and cringing to death, I asked, "And what is that?"

"They are men, created by the Love goddesses. It's a rather new program for them." He told me simply. I looked at Knight Boy, who produced a smug smile, obviously proud of being a freak of nature, while in utter confusion, I spluttered out, "A who in a what now?"

Heart Boy seemed to understand my gibberish, for he said, "Love goddesses are really Greek goddesses. They are a step down from Aphrodite. She is the true Love goddess. The others represent a character of love. A long time ago they created the Agapios' which were men whose purpose was to love woman who request them."

"And we do a wonderful job," Knight Boy added, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. … I scrunched up my nose. Can you say gross?

Heart Boy agreed with Knight Boy, adding, "He's not even one of the first and this is his twelfth hundred year."

I stared at him in shock. How in the bloody… Twelfth hundred years? He was twelve hundred years old? "That's impossible." I scoffed. "Why do you still look twenty year old, then?"

"It's a gift from Aphrodite." Heart Boy answered. "They cannot age, but stay youthful forever servicing love to woman."

I narrowed my eyes. "What kind of love?"

He shrugged. "Just love." Behind him, knight boy stood, a cat like grin on his face.

Oh! I get it.

…Wait…

Oh! Oh dear God no!

My face contorted several different ways in horror and disgust.

Ewww! They wanted me to… to- With HIM?

"I don't believe this!" I roared. "You expect me to accept that Aphrodite –if she really is real- has created special kind of men to whore around the world, giving attention to lonely or overly horny women?"

Heart Boy bit his lip tentatively, fiddling with his hands. "Well… that's not exactly how we put it. We give love to women whom want it. Is there anything wrong with that?"

"Yes." I hissed. "It's not love. Aphrodite would be considered a pimp if you're telling the truth."

They both gasped dramatically, covering their hands with their mouths and looking at me like I just committed the greatest sin.

"You… you take that back!" Heart Boy told me, his eyes flying around widely. I laughed at him inwardly. Was he really afraid that she'd come in a curse us all?

I just started to get annoyed when Knight Boy closed his eyes and clasped his hands together… He was praying to her! "Oh, calm down!" I told them. "It's not like you're serious about any of this anyways. This is just a prank, right?"

"No, Eaven. This is no prank," Heart Boy lied.

I laughed at him, despite that fact that I felt nothing giddy. It was a mad laugh. I seemed to be having lost of those lately. I soon wondered if I really was going mad, and if they were just figments of my imagination. To test my theory I took a few steps so that I was in front of the knight and scanned his form intently. He was a pretty boy, no doubt. His tall lean figure showed through the even heaviest of chain mail, strong jaw accenting the impression. I always thought that people with blonde hair looked incredibly stupid tan, but it strangely worked on him; his perfect, golden skin and hair gave him a glowing aurora. His pure green eyes, I met, golden locks just long enough to curtain them. They danced at me in amusement, a twisted smirk on his lips as he watched me study him in what I guessed he thought was slight fascination. Pft. He wished. Fascination my ass.

Doing what I planned to set out to commit in the first place, I lifted my right hand to his face, slowly, as I continued to hold his gaze. He gave me a quizzical look then, and I hid an evil grin. In a flash, I flicked him in the forehead.

He blinked at me, composure dropping. "Did thou just… flick me?"

Damn it! He felt that? Does this mean I'm not crazy? Err… I'm so disappointed in myself right now. With my last resort, I asked, "Is this one of Tyler's idiotic pranks?"

Heart Boy tipped his head to the side. "Tyler?" He repeated slowly. "No."

"Well," I huffed. "I still don't believe you. So you can leave now. This mythology stuff is annoying me... and knight boy wont stop attempting to check me out"

The blonde, who hadn't removed his eyes from me for the past five minutes, quickly looked away, trying to fend innocence by studying a white vase with great interest. After five seconds he looked back at me to see if it was safe to stop staring at the vase.

I raised an eyebrow at the pervert and sighed. "You're not going to see past the trench coat. Just give it up."

He developed a roguish smile and winked at me, –damn it, don't wink at me!- taking several strides up to me until he was less than a foot away. Keeping eye contact he raised his hand to my face and I watched in horror, wondering if he was going to flick me for pay back. I'm sure my face showed great surprise when his thumb instead grazed my lower lip in a teasing manner. "That's what you think," his sly, deep, accented voice told me.

I barely restrained myself from smacking him hard in the face, settling for the hand that was still on my lips, instead. Knight boy remained unfazed, the grin still plastered on his perfected, pretty face that I he the strong erg to lacerate.

Don't slap him… don't slap him, I told myself firmly. Just remember what Lily said. Control your anger. Violent tendencies are not the healthy choice if you wanted to live until you were seventy-five, old and wrinkly. Damn it! This wasn't working.

I'm sure that by now my struggle was perfectly clear to onlookers as I shut my eyes tightly, and mumbled out loud, "No killing, no killing today."

In attempt to distract me Heart Boy cleared his throat. I opened my eyes and looked up at him, watching as he took two steps backwards cautiously. "So… you still don't believe me?"

I snorted, my attention now averted. "How could I believe you?" I observed him closely, soon gaping at air in utter shock when Heart Boy snapped his fingers and disappeared.

What the…?

"Believe me now?" A nasally voice asked from right behind me, too close for comfort as his breath raped my ear. I gasped, jerked forward, and turned around sharply to eye him suspiciously.

"How did you do that?" I demanded.

He shot me an innocent look that only made me grow more impatient for an answer. I was vaguely aware of Knight Boy snickering in the background when Heart Boy yet again snapped his fingers and transferred himself to the other side of the room. Ha, ha, ha, real funny. Snicker all you want Knight Boy; you were next on my killing list, right after Heart Boy… who was also snickering!

My blood boiled, fiery brown eyes shooting daggers at my pimply-faced enemy. "How did you do that?"

"Do what?" He inquired, snapping his fingers yet again!

"That!" I screamed, pointing between the spots where he now was and just left. "Stop it. What is that?"

"An gift Aphrodite gave me," He informed me.

I rolled my eyes at him, still disbelieving.

He knew he hadn't won me over yet, the sly jerk, because he tried his again several more times, making me feel sickeningly dizzy.

"How about now?" he asked me, after his tenth time transferring.

I could only mumble out, "stop it," in my spinning state, ready to pass out. He found my weakness. I couldn't handle too much spinning or movement. Whenever I went to the fair, I was never aloud on most rides. All resulted in me getting sick.

To my disappointment, he didn't stop. He did it again and again, repeating his question each time in utter torment as I begged him to stop. It seemed like a dance, you know, those annoying ones where the boy always stepped on your feet; one that I would not wish upon anyone.

Heart boy: "How about now?"

Annoyed Me: "Just stop it."

Heart Boy: "And now?"

Frustrated Me: "You're making me dizzy."

Heart Boy: "How about now?"

Irritated Me: "I don't like it when I'm dizzy."

Heart boy: "So… how about now?"

Angry Me: "I'm going to kill you."

Heart Boy: "And now?"

Spiteful Me: "And tare out your limbs."

Heart Boy: "How about now?"

Murderous Me: "Rip out your heart."

Heart Boy: "Now what do you think?"

Going Crazy Me: "Which you can't live without, by the way, because you're heart boy."

Heart Boy: "And… Now!"

Finally losing it me: "Oh for crying out loud! Yes, okay! I believe you. Just… just stop moving around so much!"

Heart boy, it seemed, had the most triumphant look I had ever seen. "Good. Now I can explain things in peace. I'm Harold, not Heart Boy-" That's what he thought. He shall always be Heart Boy to me! "-And I am a sort of mediator in this. I fix things when they go wrong, and such. The blonde who's now standing right behind you, trying to check out your butt-" I turned my head sharply, looking back at Knight Boy whose eyes were narrowed in concentration. "-is Landon, your Agapios."

"If I don't have a choice in not having one, is it possible to get a different, less perverted?" I glanced again, back at Landon, who was still battling with my coat, unaware that we were talking about him as he attempted X-ray vision. Annoyed, I simply and pushed him roughly. He stumbled back a step, but continued with his work.

Heart Boy shot me an apologetic look. "Sorry, but no. They're all rather… lewd, in a sense. It's their nature. They were created for that purpose, and it's what they know."

"Lovely," I muttered resentfully.

"He is to be in your life for the next six months. And you can't just lock him up in a room." I swear the evil heart man was reading my mind. Fuming, I continued to listen. "If you ignore him he will be forcefully in your life."

I frowned, biting my lip. "What to you mean by that?"

Heart Boy shook his head, glancing at his watch. "You'll see if you break the rule."

"Harold, I say?" Landon interrupted. "I've been obliged to inquire… what are these things on the ceiling producing light?" He pointed to my roof, dumbfounded.

Heart Boy rubbed the back of his neck, nervously. "Oh right. Forgot about that."

"Heart Boy." I said, studying Landon as his eyes glanced admiringly at the TV remote control as if it were a space ship. "Why is he talking like that?"

"Well… erm. You see." Heart Boy stuttered, shifting under my gaze. "There's one more thing I should mention besides the normal glitches."

"Glitches?" I repeated, swallowing hard.

"Yes. You will learn about those soon enough. But there's a matter more stressing that we should discuss. You see… Landon. He- he hasn't exactly been working since the fourteen hundreds."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Why not?"

"He's erm… been in the prison in order of Greek gods."

The house shook with my next question. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S BEEN IN PRISON!!!?" I grabbed Heart Boy roughly by his shirt and pulled his face close to mine. "I can't have a prisoner in my house!"

Regarding me with fearful hazel eyes heart boy tried to pull away. I tighten my grip. "He's not a prisoner anymore, Eaven. I said he was. He's just an overconfident Agapios who tried to seduce Aphrodite."

I choked on my own air. Gaw! Even the elements were against me today. "He tried to seduce… his goddess?"

"And I almost succeeded too, if it were not for her guards," Landon put in scornfully.

"She called them in, moron!" Heart Boy spat. "She didn't want you to seduce her."

Landon rolled his eyes carelessly, ruffling heart boy's hair. "You are just so smitten with her." He gushed teasingly. Heart boy turned crimson, and he shouted, "Oh, shut up!"

"Yes," I agreed, already irritated by my new Agapios. Landon pouted at me, the bloody child." Please do shut up."

Checking his watch again, Heart Boy sighed. "I really do need to go now. Just know that it might be a bit of a challenge getting used to this at first. Because the prison is not held on earth, Landon hasn't seen the mortal world for six hundred years."

I gaped at him, my vision messing up and blood reaching an all time high. Landon then eyed me, concerned.

"Lady Eaven," He approached tentatively. "Your eye… it seems to be twitching."

I quickly covered it with my hand, mumbling, "Yeah it does that sometimes when I'm stressed or freaking out. You know, like when some guy in chain mail chases me around the house, claiming to be my new love slave, that's a good example."

At the words love slave, Landon seemed to perk up. "Well," he said, grinning. "If thou wants it addressed that way, lady Eaven."

"Oh would you just shut up and leave!"

"Actually," Heart boy interjected, releasing my hold on his shirt. "I think it's about time you two get acquainted… because I have to run." He raised his hands to snap his fingers. "But just before I got I'm going to do one favor for you Eaven."

"Oh joy," I deadpanned with fake enthusiasm. "A favor, for me?"

"Yup." He ignored my sarcasm. "I'll make it so that Landon speaks modern English... although he'll still have his English accent." Slowly, as I watch the idiot, he blinked in concentration. "There." He said, looking rather worn out. I watched Landon as his face contorted, shocked.

"How did you…" I trailed off when I heard a snap, and Heart boy was gone. Well… this was just great. I now have a very perverted man living in my house that knew nothing about the twenty first century… I think I need some sleep. Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair, walking towards the stairs as Landon called after me.

"Hey! Where are you going? I have still have a leg cramp because of you and intend to make you fix it!"

Turning around, I started at the knight in amazement. He smiled, glad that he had my attention. Yeah, I'll give him attention all right. Promptly, I pickup up the remote he was so enchanted with a few moments ago and threw it in his direction, shattering what ever dreams he had planed for it against his skull.

"Ow! That was my head!"

XXXXXXX

So… three weeks I've been struggling with this chapter, and finally I've got something that I can live with. If you don't like it as much as the other ones, don't fret. I'm going to come back in a few days and see what I can improve. My Beta reader is on vacation right now and I JUST finished it this morning so I know there will be some mistakes. If anyone wants to proof read it today, please, take a crack at it. I welcome you. I was going to take the time to respond to reviews again, but I was to go teach Sunday school in fifteen minutes then there will be no time with all my homework when I get home. Wonder why I'm not waiting a few days to put this up? Well this morning was my deadline, and like most journalists, I make my deadline, errors and all. (If I don't take deadlines seriously I'll never get anything done.) And sorry about his poor old English accent. I never said I was brilliant at it. On the contrary, I suck.

What do you guys think? I figured one of the biggest clichés in romance was the knight in shining armor. Then I thought of Eaven, and how she despises the lewd idea of love and ignorance, and thought of how interesting it would be to give her an Agapios that was just that.

Please don't hate Landon yet. He really is a good guy. It's not his fault that he was brought up in a society that made him think all he had to worry about were his looks and beautiful maidens. He's cool, you'll see.

Questions. (Thing's I'm just wondering about.)

What do you think of Landon so far? (Personally, I love him. But I know more about him. You've just begun to learn his layered personality.)

What are the three biggest clichés in romance stories, including on fictionpress.

Who do you prefer more, Landon or Tyler? (I'm going to TRY and make a poll)

I'm not sure when the next update will be. I'm being very careful with this story. I want it to be really good so need to think things threw before I start a chapter and such and such.

Seeing Through Tears readers: Next update will be shortly… like in a week.

Please review, and happy reading!