I want to find God

I want to find god

and whisper in his ear

sweetly singing

about the misery in this world.

I want to reach out

clench my hands around his neck

and make him feel

the close in

of consolment.

I want him to stop by

and look at the emptiness that he has left

in the wake

of his divine plane.

I want to scream

that he is not my god

and no god

godless enough

to construct

just to destruct

is no god of mine.

I want him to listen;

level his ear against my heart

so he can hear

the death rattle of my Nana on her deathbed

that has been burned into my heart

beating

like a drum ever more.

I want him to hear

that love

is love

and that love

cannot hate.

I want to find god

at my window sill

swallowing

whatever it is that he has left for me.

I want to find god,

I want to seek him out

but I know that he's not there