My inner thigh began humming and vibrating, singing out Cyndi Lauper's Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. Personalized ring tone. It could be either of the twins. They programmed the song themselves.
"Boo." I skipped looking at caller ID and went straight to answering.
"When is the wedding?" Had to be Damien. Subtle differences in tone that only a skillfully trained mind could detect. Or possibly the caller ID had accidentally jumped into my line of vision.
"I was thinking tomorrow."
"Oh no, Taya, no. You can't do this to me. I have to find a dress. I have to do something with my hair. I need to find my girdle."
Girdle. Now there was a funny word. Even more amusing was the man on the phone who needed to find one.
He was still going, "And shoes! Don't even get me started on shoes! I need at least a week to find the perfect shoes and that's after I find the dress which I haven't even started looking for yet. Well, I did do a little shopping, but nothing worthwhile has caught my eye. What's the theme of the wedding anyway? What colors will the decorations be? I'd like to be coordinating, you know."
Jarrid took his eyes off the road (tsk, tsk) to glance at me, disappointed in our interupted conversation. Not that it was going anywhere. "Damien," I mouthed, still half-listening to said transvestite babble on about accessories. Jarrid nodded, seeming somewhat amused. Oh the nerve of that boy. Suddenly it occurred to me that my ear was being relieved by an onset of sweet silence.
"Taya?" Oh, nope. Still there.
"I'm sorry, I didn't hear that last part. Hit a bit of bad connecton." You may worship my amazing tact and skill at any time you wish. Go ahead, you know you want to.
"I asked what color the floral arrangements were going to be."
"Damien, darling, I haven't the slightest clue."
"Well it's your wedding, missy, haven't you had it planned out since you were little? Adrien and I used to stay up late planning out ours." Somehow that didn't surprise me. Guess it started early.
"No, no I didn't. Cooties and all." I sighed and rolled my eyes. It was unfair how much better the twins were at this femininity thing than I was.
And here comes the lightning bolt... BAM! Sudden instant revelation. Brainflash. The lights on upstairs (which unfortunately is a rather rare occurrence). "Damien, I have a really big favor to ask of you and Adrien. I don't want to impose or anything but I don't know anybody else who I would trust with this."
Was Jarrid giggling? I stuck my tongue out at him.
"You know you can ask us anything."
Deep breath. Build up the suspense here. Be dramatic. "Would you two be in charge of planning my wedding to Jarrid?"
"Oh, Taya! You can't be serious." He sounded like...
"Are you crying?"
Sniff, "This is just the greatest thing that could ever happen." Sniffle, sigh, "We would be absolutely honored if you would let us plan your wedding."
"Well, plan away. Now I gotta go. I'll talk to you later, Damien. Au revoir."
Jarrid had stopped his giggling, snickering, little noises and was now completely quiet. I waited, as patiently as I could handle, knowing eventually he would tell me his thoughts. Luckily, he knew I probably wouldn't wait much past thirty seconds and he voiced his concern quickly.
"Tell me I won't have to wear a dress at my wedding."
"Weeeeeelllll... Um. Sometimes the twins can be a big hard to direct."
I laughed, "Don't worry, your manhood is safe. They'll put you in a tux, I'm sure. What color though..."
"You are so impossible."
"That I am. But hey, would you marry me if I wasn't?"