Five is a Four Letter Word 2
Every morning starts the same and it has for at least the last 3 months, if not longer. It all started when Molinar and I became, shall we say, "fuck buddies". I've never liked this term, but it applies. I didn't want another relationship, but I did want sex. For Molinar, this had to be truly straight out of his mind, its one of those twin mind things, you know what each other are thinking. This whole twin theory of mine started in high school. My friend and I had this game about our twins. Our twins were these two guys that had an "emotional signifigance" to us. The one had a huge crush on my friend and the other guy, my twin, liked me. I like him back, but things were in the way. More like my friend's twin and a guy that like me, supposabley. So the twin that you have has to be of the opposite sex and have an emotional connection to you. Molinar is my twin because we've fucked. I must say the twin thing leads to the best sex that you've ever had. I know that's not the best way of saying it, but its true. I don't want to make it sound like
something its not, we're not involve. It would be wrong to say that "we made love". It's far from that.
Every morning I wake up in Molinar's house. I don't live there, I just stay there a lot. Usually I get up late, causing me to have to drive my Nissan Pathfinder to work, instead of walking. If, on occasion, I get up early enough I walk to work at the record store that I own with Jenni. Sometimes Jenni and I walk to work together, since she lives with Sheckler, but she usually leaves earlier than me. Jenni's always been more responsible than me of course, but I'm more of the physically reliable type.
On this particular morning I was awake at least two hours early. I turned over in bed and shook Molinar. He turned towards me and growled. I giggled, since we hadn't done the nasty the ngiht before I as wide awake. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me down on the bed on top of him. Sensing what I was thinnking Molinar pushed me up, so that I was now strattling him. I giggled again and pulled off the came I was wearing. This was just what was going to make me late for early morning stocking. After a quick bout of sexual pleasure I checked the clock, I was still an hour and a half early. Molinar looked at the clock on his cell phone and pulled me back onto the bed and on top of him. With one kiss it started again.
When I was officially missing in action foer work I decided not to go until lunch time. I would make a graceful entrance so that Jenni could pick up lunch for herself. Molinar pulled me back towrds him and wrapped his arms around me. I turned towards him and kissed him on the neck.
"I love you Sake." He whispered heavily in my ear, his warm breath tracing my neck.
"No. You love my body and its sexual abilities." I laughed and ran my fingers tenderly down the side of his face.
"No. I love you. Don't try to make this seem like its still purely sexual. We're far past that stage now." Molinar let go of me and sat up in bed with his arms crossed. The only problem for me was that he was still wearing, well nothing at all.
"Are we actually having this conversation?" A little part of me was afraid of having this conversation, mostly because I was afraid that it would prove that my greatest fear had come true. Maybe I was in love again and inevitabley I would have to deal with the fact that I would get hurt. I couldn't keep lying to myself, but lying was my security blanket.
"Yes we are!" Molinar got off the bed and pulled on a pair of boxers, throwing me my cami and panties. After I was dressed again he leaned against the wall and crossed his arms. "This isn't about the sex anymore, and you;ve knownt hat for awhile. Why can't you just admit it?" His voice was raised now and I felt tears on the brink.
"I don't want to be hurt again." I whispered it so quietly that I was pretty sure that Molinar wouldn't hear me, but he did. He just shock his head.
"We've been dancing around this for three months. If I was going to hurt you I would've done it by now. If I was going to cheat on you I would have done it by now. Don't you see that?" I nodded, but I didn't think that he completely grasped the situation.
"It's not that I fear that you are going to physically hurt me. I just know that there's an end to everything and when that end happens, since you treat me so well, that end will hurt. And I don't want that again, not with you." Molinar got back on the bed where I was sitting and sat down in front me, grabbing my hands and leaving them outstretched in front of me.
"But there can't be an end to something that hasn't started. And who said that this has to end? We are in our twenties. And I could see myself settling down soon. Can't you see that for yourself?" I nodded because I was starting to understand that maybe this never had to end. I put my arms around his neck and kissed his forehead.
"Shh…I have to go to work now. I love you too." It felt nice to say that I loved him too, it was relieving. I knew that there was a fifty fifty chance that this relationship would end good or bad. I was just hoping that the good would outweigh the bad if it ended.
"Bye. I love you." I kissed Molinar on the forehead again and got up from the bed. While he watched me I got dressed quickly in an "Afi" black tee shirt and a pair of tight jeans with this brilliant detail on the back. As a belt I pulled on one with two rows of rivets on it. Before I left the room and grabbed my keys I slipped on a pair of vans that were decorated with little pink elephants. I grabbed my keys and purse before closing the front door of the apartment out. My watch read 11:30, I was a little early for lunch, so I could easily walk to work. On my way I called Jenni and told her that I was on the way to work after my little snag. She just laughed and hung up after asking me to just run and get lunch on my way. When I was finally at work I was two lunches heavier and had an intense urge to call Molinar. This love thing had started to make me silly.
"Well look who showed up! And is that my favorite?" Jenni had snatched the paper bag in my hand and the two sodas in a little carrier. She took the soda with a sharpied J on the top and the burger of her choice. One of the onion rings was deposited next to the register. With her clean hand she slid the bag over to where I was now sitting.
"So what was this snag about?"
"Well," I went on to tell her about the whole conversation. She gave me a few sympathetic nods and then when I was done decided that it was time to make a low wine.
"Aww that's soooo cute." She clasped her hands together and then turned to a customer that was now at the counter we were sitting at. "Thanks for shopping at Flying Hamster Records."
"Can you remind me again why we named ourselves that?"
"Because it's way better than you're ideas."
"What, Elephant Slam would've been a lot better. And Jaded would've been really Indie."
"Whatever. I think Flying Hamster Records draws attention."