The bright light of all the candles and the light streaming in from the setting sun painting everything orange gold seemed so wrong. Nothing should be beautiful like this… the light was warm and bright. Not at all like what he was feeling… it felt like a dagger was in his chest… something hard and cold locking his breath and making him ache.
Shivers went through his form as his arms wrapped around a cold stone pillar… the stone was cold but it wasn't what was making him shiver. Tears stung his eyes and made him shiver, his skin crawled. Bright violet eyes dimmed to a warm light brown as he let the illusion drop… long straight brilliant red hair dimmed to a dark rich brown….
Tears shimmered in his gaze and he trembled resting his forehead against the cold stone forcing his eyes closed. He pressed so tightly against the column his arms wrapped so tightly it hurt… but that pain was nothing compared to the pain inside of him. He felt something warm dug into his skin and remembered the thing that had made him feel this way most recently… The reason for his sorrow, a physical reminder of ownership, so small a thing, so very small a thing… but it was breaking him open again. His eyes opened and he looked down at it as he pushed off and began moving away from the column. A single charm… a deep bright red on a simple golden chain… no real value… nothing but a useless sparkly thing… but the ruby depths seemed to be the same shade of fresh blood. Blood of his heart… with this simple gift he was bound… his soul and heart seemed to be locked… and bought… like a cheap whore… something to be kept on the side… something to be played with…. Toyed with as though he had no emotions… no soul… nothing that made him, him…. He might be said to be a part of the gift giver now and forever… but he knew that with this simple gift his love had demeaned everything between them further… another wedge between then and turned it to something colder… cheaper….
He jerked away rage and sorrow in his eyes. I thought I loved that man once… but he… uses me… and now this…. He knows I can't refuse and he binds me to him… This… this garbage is in a sign of that. All I asked for… all I wanted was my freedom… and he gave me this… crap… a sign of his love he said…. Something beautiful and cold… large… gaudy… all show… garbage…. I never wanted this… this isn't something I like. Cold stone… something like this. This isn't me…. But then this isn't about me…
Does he think I'm so stupid not to see what this is…? It's a sign of owner ship… to scare away rivals…. I'm trapped now… trapped in something I can't refuse…. Because I can't refuse him and what's more than that…I asked to be set free. I asked him. He knew just how to bind me. Why the hell can't he just leave me alone?! He slide to his knees on the floor his arms wrapping around his slender body shudders going through him as he forced back sobs and tried to control his emotions. His hands fisted against the cold marble floor and he shuddered gasping softly, panting but refusing to cry, refusing to make a sound….
The simple pendent a weight on him…it was a reminder of who he now belonged to. He bit his lower lip to force back a cry of rage and sadness…. His hands fisted and he slammed them into the cold marble floor again and again… his knuckles bruising under the force. He panted softly, no tears falling even as they pooled in his warm brown eyes, "why can't he just leave me alone? Why can't he let me rest in peace and move on…? Why does he have to keep me…? A prize… a toy…." He curled around himself and cried silently. I thought I… I loved him…. I thought we were in love. I gave up all I was for him… gave him all of me… and now this. His hands unfisted and went slack… the skin broken and bleeding slightly. His face calm and devoid of passion except for his eyes dark and sad as he let the silent tears slide down his cheeks only the shivers of his body showing the depth of emotion in him.
He heard footsteps and forced himself to his feet. The tips of his ears were revealed as his dark brown hair fell away from them… revealing he wasn't entirely human. He took a small step back his eyes widening a second and he composed himself… his hair turning from it's natural dark brown to a deep red… his eyes turned from the warm thoughtful brown to bright vibrant violet just like his ex-love liked it. He stood straighter and couldn't smile but his expression was calm, gentle and warm but he could feel the treacherous tears start again and he ducked his head to hide his expression and eyes knowing the other wouldn't look closely. Knowing that his ex-love would come… take what he wanted and leave professing undying love the whole while… that's what hurt.
The sting of it… I can't believe I thought that he loved me… that this was true love. His eyes were darker…sadness and anger fading… to blank and dead as his lover approached and lifted his chin to look into his eyes. Hazel eyes meeting the calm violet eyes… seeing the color he found beautiful and not noticing the blank sorrow and devastation in them. A voice smooth like satin said, "come on love… we have all night to be together…." If anything the violet eyes darkened further and seemed more devoid… more blank as the kept man felt his heart break again. He wondered idly… Will this ever stop hurting? Will the pain ever fully fade…? Maybe when my hearts dead. Part of me dreads it… and part of me hopes for the day. His eyes closed tightly and he shuddered feeling sorrow and revulsion fill him as soft silky lips pressed harshly against his and then gentled. Part of him wanted the kiss to be rough… when it was gentle… it was harder to remember that this wasn't love. He felt himself moved to the bed and allowed it… Allowed his ex-love… his new Master to do what he wished. Not protesting as the other stripped his clothing off and flung it to the floor before pinning him gently to the bed. His eyes closed tightly and he chanted internally… this isn't love….