How Do I Apologize?

How will I ever
stop the knife from
ripping you apart
every time I
speak to you

Why must I
make it so difficult
to forgive me
for fighting
for hurting
for yelling
for everything I've done
to you?

Love is forgiveness
I know this
so well
yet after the first time
I have ever
fought with you
I feel as though
I've died and
taken you
with me

Understand thought I never
meant to hurt you
this way
I meant only to
help you to
ease the pain
were feeling

Instead I pulled
you under
suffocated you
and made you
think of me
as burdensome
and you told
me you couldn't
deal with

I know you didn't
mean it to sound
so damaging
but I am
and I thought it meant
you didn't
want me

I tried to tell you
I love you
but that wasn't
what you
wanted to hear
the only time you ever
didn't want to know
I love you

I died then
when you told me no
I couldn't understand
why you suddenly
didn't want to hear
those words
the words that usually
touched your heart
made you

I can't imagine
how angry you
must have been to
deny me what
I wanted to say
to you
the one time
three simple
were nothing

I am sorry
for hurting
For tearing you
For everything
I have ever done
to hurt
And I hope
one day, someday
you can
forgive me
and we can love
and smile