April 19: Tuesday.

The things you need become more important when you begin to lose them.
For instance, my old computer just broke…well, in better terms, "fucked up." I have tried the best of my ability to eradicate the 200 spam but to no avail, I have not succeeded. Instead I have worsened the problem.
And what is that, my friends?
Oh simple.
I cannot use my computer (you know, the one that has recently been put in my room!) or check the personal mails I have.

It really, really ticks me off. Sure I may have another computer (the new one) and it has XP and all this fancy stuff but god damn it! The connection is so damn slow I can't see or read mail! What more? I don't have aim or any instant messenger because why?

Why?

Well. I don't know why myself.

Oh wait. I did actually download an instant messenger a week ago. But no….
….I had to be stupid enough to download that piece of shit!
Now what happens? What happens to poor Steph after she downloaded that shit?!

A bunch of fucked up spam and viruses had to come right in and stay happy dandy in MY computer!
Oh, twiddle-de-dum. Don't I feel special?!
Let's celebrate on this remarkable jinx! I swear, if I keep this up…god knows, I might get my own computer! (lol)

Oh god. I seriously am ON something. But then again, Jack wouldn't be too surprised if I were, wouldn't she? Or Puuzie either…
Lets see. What other jinxes do I have?
Ah….the microphones.
I fucking broke those mother fuckers. What idiot breaks a god damn mic when you know you're gonna get your ass whooped by----
---oh wait….

My ass was fucking "whooped". I tried to keep a straight face and told her I "checked" those mics but obviously, I failed on that.
The damn thing was broke before I could prevent my ass being "whooped".
I swear, where the fuck did "whoop" come in my vocabulary anyway? Ha. I guess that's what I get when I spend too much time alone. Anyway, whoever the fuck broke those damn things better fess up because I ain't about to "cry me a river" again.
I'm sick and tired of tears (...it's not like I secretly cry before I go to sleep!). I try avoiding myself in such a predicament but no matter what, this weak girl in me ends up like a "lozer"--- as Julie calls it.

Ah shit. Shit.
I'm ranting about nonsense, unimportant issues- right? That's me.
I can constantly kick my own butt even if it's not my fault (I know Alex). You see, I'm filled with this hellish goodness (ha!) that I curse myself more than others. I know I wasn't THAT bitch on the stage irresponsibly NOT taking care of school property. I know I wasn't THAT idiot who downloaded instant messenger---

damn it. I was that idiot. Forget that one.

Anyway, I rarely am in trouble and I was afraid I'd cry in front of her (not asking for sympathy. I never ask for people's sympathy….only for some). Afterwards I sort of had those tears spilling but what the fuck.
It's my fault anyway.

It's the same fucking way why every god damn technological use is my unknowledgeable, despicable, and irreplaceable fault.
I thought I was good in the technology stuff (from what I've been told)….but oh well, maybe I should back off those mother fuckers- right?

I seriously am one heck of a jinx, huh?