The Emo Chapter

A/N: This chapter is not intended to insult emo music or people. It's just a spoof of labels. Don't take it too seriously.

Are you tired of being your average, mediocre, depressed teen? Those people suck, don't they? If you're like me, then you want to mean something when you're depressed. Your depression needs to have a soul. Chances are, you didn't just find this story. This story found you, because you are the true embodiment of emo. Not just one of those posers. There are people who pretend their pain is painful and it hurts (as yours does) but their pain is usually only painful, but it doesn't really hurt. If you follow me, you will learn how to become the ULTIMATE EMO.

Wail and moan about how no one understands your pain until someone makes fun of you. Then, when they do, show them the stick-on scar you bought at the Halloween store and scream, "LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!" Promptly run out of the room and hide in the bathroom for the rest of the day, until the counselor shows up. But refuse to talk to her, or show her what you did, because she doesn't understand your pain.

After three days of refusing to see the counselor, show up at her door, in tears, and start wailing and screeching about how it's all true. Make sure to replace the adhesive on the back of your fake scar before you do this.

Wear eyeliner so that when you cry, you'll look like a coal miner. Nothing is more emo than a coal miner.

Listen to sad music, and write the most saddest poetry you can possibly come up with. Make sure it's really angry and emoish so that everyone will know you're emo. Include cussing, love, hatred, and a cookie.

Crimson Agony

I want to rip you to shreds

But not before I kiss you

I have to kiss you before I rip you to shreds

Or else I'll get blood and guts on my clothes

And that would be really icky, like

Damn, I want a cookie

Write really sappy depressing poems for all of your exes, and give it to them while crying. Try tip #1 also, and say "LOOK WHAT ELSE YOU MADE ME DO!" after they read it.


I fucking hate you


You fucking suck


I wanna die


Fuck you

If your ex dumped you for someone else, write him/her a poem and do the same thing.

I fucking hate you


You're a stupid fucking whore


I wanna die

All because of you

Stupid skank

Draw a flower on your arm and go around telling everyone that it means "a painful losing of virginity" but that they're not allowed to tell anyone that, because it's true and you didn't know when you drew it.

Use henna to stop yourself from cutting. Tell everyone that's why you use it.

Watch every episode of Casper, The Friendly Ghost. (I don't own the rights to it.) Practice wailing and screeching and moaning about how you don't have any friends in front of the mirror, until you get as emo as Casper himself.

Yell at me and tell me that I'm making fun of you because I don't understand your pain