in a room flooded
early evening sunlight
among remnants of desperate lies
and standing silent lives
is a tragedymy tragedythe tragedy

mecurial tendencies will never go
my heart is too sentimental and my electric halo
is humming, flickering, and burning my head
lighting my hair on fire
artificial innocence, manufactured purity
exhibit A, cleanliness, for all to see
exhibit B, reality, turn awayturn away
(it would break your hearts to find all is not as it seems)
so walk away, walk away
don't take a chance; play it safe
(i am only kept from crashing by this pretty parisol which keeps me floating)
still going down down down
to
a closet where we lit a match
watched blue then white then orange
& on the floor, my paper dolls, their tiny limbs torn
from careless playing or subconscious hating
of things i know i am so torn so torn

i know baby doll balding (a friend of mine)
funny how she never scared me
one eye half-closed and dress with no buttons
in her little crib by the bed
(keep my secrets, silent friend)
baby doll balding sleeps
one eye half-open
i beg you, beg you, my secret keep

with tumors deep inside and blood is hurting
cancer to hide and. my. halo. dies.
with tin can cookies to hold me together
promise me we'll always be together?
something i always knew i was lying
and my blood is thinner – i am dying
to watch the girls and know
i am not the same. i have to hide more pain.

no matter, no matter
i will. somehow. smile.

in a room flooded
early evening sunlight
among remnants of desperate lies
and standing silent lives
in a closet where we lit a match
watched blue then white then orange
& on the floor
my paper dolls
their tiny limbs torn

will they come to place flowers on my grave?